Well this is interesting.

The visit begins with a tour of Monticello and a discussion of equality for all people.

Do you look with your heart or do you miss the positive beauty in life?

There are many kinds of love in this lifetime. Love for children, love for grandchildren, love for a spouse, and love for a kindred soul. There is love for friends and ideas and arts. There is love for the Divine which is the greatest love of all. It is the love that will never diminish even if you walk away. Why would I say this? Well, the mystics say it and I experienced it. There was a time when there was a terrible emotional trauma in my life. I listened to all the people that have advice at times like this. I thought about all that was said to me and I must say that much of it was confusing and some advice that was just junk. But what people’s words did to me was to make me close me ears and heart. Not to all of life, but to what I grew up believing. What I was taught. So I have a conversation with God. That is another blog. I declared what had happened and said that if that was the best Divinity could do….and please look closely to my life, then I was going to take over running my own life, thank you kindly. At the end of the rather long conversation, I declared I would go my way and it could goes its way.

This break-up lasted a decade. I was aware of Divinity and sometimes it was obvious that it was trying to get my attention at times. I was a nurse at the time and miracles flowed. I would reluctantly observe and continue on with my life. Always trying to live to help people and to make the world a better place. I just ignored the other energy in my life. And I really did ignore the Divine. I was still angry and at times still rant, though usually these rants were of a shorter duration. Once I had re-established the boundaries, then I would go back to my life.

There were many things which happened, so good and some not good. Actually, I couldn’t see the good at the time. But there was a night when I worked second shift at the hospital that there was a blizzard. I thought about spending the night at the hospital but everyone else was going home. So I cleared off my car and began the forty five minute commute home. It was difficult going but I was making it and then came the hill. Not a short hill with a slight decline but a serious hill that was steep. I got about a third of the way down, not really knowing what lane I was in because the wind caused a white out. I was clutching the steering wheel and figured I was going to die that night. I was calm and accepting. There were no other cars on the road at all. I really was driving blind. Suddenly, there was a car coming up next to me at a normal speed for dry roads and excellent visibility. The car then moved in front of me. I could see the rear lights and it slowly lead me down the hill. At the bottom of the hill, visibility was better and I exhaled. Then the lights which had lead me down the hill just disappeared. The car was gone. It didn’t like turn a corner or pull into a drive. There were none of those there. The car was just gone. I know I was led down that hill by a spiritual being and that Divinity protected me even though I didn’t care if I died.

I knew that even though I had walked away of my own free will, I was still loved by the Universe. I was still connected. I was kind of well, really grateful and really upset because it wasn’t going to be reeled in again that easily. The Rebel part is accurate. There began a series of events that made me feel the Divine Love again. Love that had never been withheld or diminished even though I didn’t want it. But the continued reality of it was a shock. I had never experienced unending love. Love always hurt and ended very easily. In truth, love from God never ends. Did everything become rosy in my life. No! I continued to ignore and the Divine Love would show up at just the right times. Years later, I was just sick of life and sat down and decided I must need something more in my life. I took inventory and decided it was God. So we had another of the famous discussions. I went out and bought a book called, “How to Meditate” and read it cover to cover. I began to study the world’s religions and mysticism and soon found my footing on my spiritual path. It was the part of my journey that I had ignored. I kept studying and trying new things. I found things that were crazy and I found things that rang true to me. This my soul responded to with a resounding Yes.

I have learned many things since those days, peace and love days. Those I never lost. We all are hit with sadness, grief and tragedy on this journey. It is alright. It may not feel that way and I know this is true. But The Divine will reveal itself to you one day as you need to see, feel, experience it. Then the choice is up to you. I have traveled a pretty long road and the previously described hill wasn’t the only one I have had to travel. All I can say is that you are never alone, even if you want to be. The One is within and you are a child of the Universe. We, here on this journey can’t change that. It just is. Eventually, even I recognized that.

Sunset on Lake Erie. Photograph taken and copyrighted by Barbara Mattio  2009

A natural heart.