Thoughts at sixty three

I played with Jill, my dolphin friend

I played with Jill, my dolphin friend

There is a lot a things I have done in this period of time. Sixty actually came as quite a shock. I remember my 30th birthday as huge, loud, a sea of faces most of them I knew and some I did not. For me, the realization that all of that is in the past was confusing. Where did it go?

What happened to the women I counseled at the Domestic Violence shelter and Rape Crisis? Why couldn’t I work two jobs and volunteer at the same time? I had done it before, why was I so tired?

Why was my shiny black curly hair streaked with some GREY? Now I am blonde. Someone tells a story and you are laughing and filling in details and someone else mentions that was forty years ago. My heart skips a beat and I say to myself that it can’t be that long. It just can’t.

Life is like the summer breeze gently caressing your cheek. It stays on your cheek a second but in your heart for forty years. I gave a surprise birthday party last night for a friend. I found out that I wasn’t the only white woman with an Afro in the seventies. I wore it with pride sometimes with flowers woven into it.

I think much more these days, I think about people who came into my life and then passed through, as they were meant to do. Others stayed to teach lessons.  Some came into my life because I was to teach them a lesson. I remember them with friendship and love. Old lovers who are still in small bits of my life as we have all moved along in life and yet still talk.

The misogyny I encountered remains but the real work of helping women I have had to hand over to those who are younger in body. The comforting thing is that I am now writing and painting. I wait for death but not on a conscious level. The end is coming but it is only the end here. Life is a continual experience and for part of it we don’t wear these bodies we have now. I believe I will be home again.

I think more of those who have passed before me. I remember the good and bad and know it will be wonderful to be with them again. My grandparents, the baby I lost, friends who died way too early. A lover who died too young. My late husband who has been gone since 1995.

I know I am not afraid to die and will continue to live life as fully as I possibly can and I encourage everyone to do that. Life is for living and it is a huge gift. Don’t waste it. Live it and try what is new, what looks like fun. No rocker for us because there are still trees to see, flowers to smell, parties to give, jet skis to ride, beaches to walk, mountains so large they fill you up. So don’t decide you are too old to learn the new technology. I learned and continue to learn and so can you. Make adjustments but don’t ever give up. The Universe put us here for the experience so don’t waste this opportunity.

The fragrance of Water lilies stirs ones heart as the carress of a lover.  Photograph taken and copyrighted by Brabara Mattio 2013

The fragrance of Water lilies stirs one’s heart as the caress of a lover. Photograph taken and copyrighted by Brabara Mattio 2013

Gestalt at Sixty

I am not ready to die,
But I am learning to trust death
As I have trusted life.
I am moving
Toward a new freedom
Born of detachment,
And a sweeter grace—-
Learning to let go
I am not ready to die,
But as I approach sixty
I turn my face toward the sea.
I shall go where tides replace time,
Where my world will open to a far horizon
Over the floating, never-still flux and change
I shall go with the changes,
I shall look far out over golden grasses
And blue waters.

There are no farewells.

Praise God for His mercies,
For His austere demands,
For His light
And for his darkness.”

—May Sarton

Dolphin jumping in Nasau Photograph taken and copyrighted 2013

Dolphin jumping in Nausau
Photograph taken and copyrighted 2013

Updating Our Moments…

Great tune.

allaboutlemon-All Around, In, And Out Of My Own Universe

  • I Just Wanna Feel This Moment- August Music Passion

    Our theme for this month of August is 


    “No restrictions on genres or decades – if it has Moment in the title, it’s good to go.”

    I got inspired with one of my new followers Lady Barefoot Baronnes
    Barefoot Baroness

    with this music she just shared in her blog recently entitltled, ”Living In The Moment” by  Jason Mraz

    Thanks so much BB :) xoxo

    So for our Music Passion August Theme is any song with a MOMENT in it.

    And here is my entry:

    Pitbull – Feel This Moment ft. Christina Aguilera

    Yes… I jsut wanna feel this MOMENT!


And here are the other Music Lovers… sharing their MOMENTS too 🙂

Any Moment” — sung here by Robert Westenberg

 by sarahpotterwrites:

My music passion for August is “Any Moment” — sung here by Robert Westenberg (as Cinderella’s Prince)…

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Croatia: Taxpayer and EU Funds Help Promote Distortion Of Historical Facts

How do we change the lives of Croatians? What is needed most and first?

Croatia, the War, and the Future

stop liars

Reblogged from Luka Misetic blogspot

By Luka Misetic
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
More Disinformation from Milorad Pupovac & Co.
As Croatia celebrated the 18th anniversary of its liberation in Operation Storm, the Serbian National Council in Croatia issued a press release through its leader, Milorad Pupovac, in which it declared that to date, “none of the direct perpetrators was held responsible” for murders of Serb civilians committed during and after Operation Storm. Vesna Terselic of the Documenta center and Mladen Stojanovic from the Center for Peace in Osijek made similar claims.

These claims are incorrect. Several people–members of the Croatian Army–have been convicted for murder of Serb civilians after Operation Storm. Here are just a few examples (there are more, but I will not list them all here):

1. Mario Dukic, member of the Croatian Army’s 134th Homeguard Regiment, was sentenced to six years imprisonment on 10 January 1997…

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Indian women learns self-defence

Social Action 2014

Indian women learns self-defence

Delhi to Mumbai: Has nothing changed?


Left Right & Centre: As a young woman, gang-raped in the heart of Mumbai, recovers from her brutal assault, we ask: From December in Delhi to August in Mumbai, what has really changed? What do the protests, the outrage, the anger, the anti-rape laws actually mean on the ground at the end of the day? Will blaming the politicians, the police help? Are we simply a morally bankrupt society?

Watch full show:…

Impunity of rapists; impotence of system?


The Buck Stops Here: Impunity of rapists; impotence of system? As India stands united in expressing outrage at the gang-rape of a 22-year-old photojournalist in Mumbai, we ask, from Delhi to Mumbai, what has changed? Milind Deora, Supriya Sule, Prasoon Joshi, Shiv Sena leader and a young woman journalist join the debate on The Buck Stops Here.

Watch full…

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Jealousy And Obsession

Man thinking on a train journey.

I work a great deal with people who are in the throes of an obsession. It may be a love or a love lost, a new hobby or a destructive coping mechanism. No matter what the cause, obsession can be a powerful and consuming thing. The longer I work with clients the more apparent it becomes that a manic state is in many ways as destructive as a depressed state. Some of that emotional energy I have seen during a relational breakup, for example, is very destructive. Checking your email or Facebook every two minutes, writing out dozens of extensive apology or spite letters, overdoing it at the gym or at the bar or even at your church – manic obsession is not healthy.

Jealousy is a great example of how manic behaviour and thinking can get out of control. It can be insipid, especially if it appears justified. Sometimes…

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