Tag Archives: society

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Rape Culture


Normally I would never post this video but our society is condoning rape. I pulled this off of YouTube and it sickened me. As I have said so many times, rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power and control. The young men in this video are the basest of human beings. This is important to me because it speaks to The War Against Women and it happened here in Ohio, the state where I now live.

The boys came from middle class families and had good prospects for their futures. Because of the choice they made, they aren’t even descent enough human beings to pick up garbage. This is not an isolated crime, it happens all the time in all countries around the world. A woman is not a piece of property to be used and discarded. It is clear in the video that no one taught this concept to these boys. Why? Perhaps the parents feel women are to be owned. Perhaps there  is violence in their homes.

In this particular rape case are fragments of the thinking behind all of the rape cases here and around the world that it is just sex and not a crime. A woman isn’t raped because she is a whore. She is raped because, even in 2013, women are considered property. The fact that the town tried to protect the boys who committed this horrible crime is enough to make me throw up. There isn’t privilege  for the high school jocks, or professional sports figures. They don’t get to rape a woman without paying a heavy price. If a guy rapes a woman, his future needs to be and will be gone.

Women who are raped don’t just get up and go on with life. They feel degraded and dirty. Some shower over and over because they no longer feel clean. This is something I can understand. Women who are raped are victims and don’t need to be revictimized by the media, friends, the judicial system, or their own families. They need support and counseling.

It is vital that their names are not put into the media. This case violated this concept that we worked on in the 70’s and 80’s. Previous sexual experience is also not allowed into court testimony. If a woman has had consensual sex and later is raped, the previous experience does not mean she can be raped without consequence. We keep going in circles about women’s issues.  In 2013, we are once again in a war against women.

Now, The National Organization for Women.stopping abuse and rape.

Now, The National Organization for Women.
stopping abuse and rape.

There is only one reason for rape and it is a crime.

There is only one reason for rape and it is a crime.

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Violence Destroys Families


Battering destroys families.

Battering destroys families.

For the victim of battering or Domestic Violence, they exist in a house with someone who hurts them. They are literally “Sleeping With the Enemy.” Abuse is the only crime in America where we ask the victim to lie down in bed next to the person who has just finished knocking their teeth out, punched them in the stomach, burned them with a cigarette, or holding a gun to their head.

Generations of children have learned that battering is normal.

Generations of children have learned that battering is normal.

Children in violent homes are often beaten or molested by someone they live with. Even for those who haven’t been beaten, They see their parents as role models. Yes, they often try to protect their mothers but the majority of them repeat the beatings they saw over and over as a child . They  learned to be an abuser. Girls in violent families whether beaten or not, watch the victim be punched, dragged, choked, slapped  burned with a cigarette and many other vile acts. They learn from their family that they are victims.  As they grow older, it is not unusual for abusers and victims to find each other. They live together in their set roles.

This woman is being victimized

This woman is being victimized

Love should never hurt

Love should never hurt

The scene of Domestic Violence begins like any other relationship. Two people meet and fall in love. They live together or marry and may eventually have a baby. An abuser doesn’t always begin to abuse while they are dating. Sometimes it begins on the honeymoon. That first punch to teach the victim who is in charge. The abuser wants her to know exactly what is expected. Dinner at six, his shirts laundered just so. He expects her to be home all day and he will be calling to check up on her. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t begin until a pregnancy becomes reality. The abuser may say they are pleased and excited, but will then begin to beat the victim up. Frequently, the abuse consists of punching her over and over in the stomach. Many women have lost their babies because of abuse. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t begin until the children are older and the house doesn’t run as smoothly as it used to. The house is full of playing, laughing, screaming or giggling children. They learn soon enough not to bring anyone home to play because an episode of abuse may begin. These are families in name only.

Often violence begins during pregnancy

Often violence begins during pregnancy

Hands were made for hugging and not for hitting.

Hands were made for hugging and not for hitting.

To attempt to prevent episodes of abuse, the victim will try to have everything just the way the abuser wants it. The children are taught to be quiet and just eat dinner and go do homework. They stay in their rooms or go to a friend’s house so that they won’t be battered or have to hear the screams of pain and the abusive slurs that go hand in hand with the physical abuse.

Speak out

Speak out

If you are being abused or know someone who is, get out and go to a shelter. Almost all cities have shelters now. Get yourself and the kids out before the abuse escalates and someone is dead. In a shelter, you will find medical help, warm beds, food, counseling, legal advice and assistance. You and your children will be protected and supported as you begin the process of starting a new life without violence.

It is never, never right to abuse a woman or children. It is never right to abuse a man. This is not really love. It is power and control. The abuser thinks he owns you. Leaving the violent home will be the beginning of having the ability to live without the fear of abuse.

A handprint

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Another Shooting in America


radiatingenergy

The human being radiates energy. If you are aware you can feel people’s energy. It forms an aura around people and its strength can be felt. Some are positive and some are negative.

Last night, a young man with very negative energy committed murder and suicide at a mall in Oregon. The first question is, of course, why? Because he is now dead and we will never know. We did know that he must have had overwhelming mental health problems and he was able to obtain guns and ammunition.

I think there is a blanket which is floating over our beautiful country. So many people are angry.and that anger spills out to influence others. There are times to be angry. Injustice, oppression, hunger and illness are reasons. But people seem to be angry all the time and about the smallest things.

This amount of anger is dangerous. The shootings we have experienced in our country tells us that the anger is growing and spilling over. This is why, I believe that a smile, listening with your entire self, caring about what others are going through are the types of things that can help a person to release the anger.

The Buddha says that anger is like a hot coal held in your hand. The only person that really is hurt is you. The coal burns you and causes you pain.

The anger starts with a sense of failure, injustice, a feeling of being unlovable, and a sense that you will never achieve your goals. These are serious emotions for many people to control. Therapy is a possible resource to help people handle their emotions in a less violent way. To see that they have not been singled out to suffer.

So today, despite all of the news and politics which are taking up much of the discussion on the cable news shows, I feel that the biggest story is this young man, his life, his experiences, and why he felt he needed to go to that mall and kill perfect strangers. What was wrong in his life? Why did he end up feeling that this was his only option

Ten thousand people were in that mall shopping for the holidays. I pray for each and every one of them. This was a horrific experience to survive. I pray for the families and friends of the people who did not survive including the shooter. I ask for an easy transition for those who died. I am sure the angels were ready to hold them as they passed on to the next phase of their lives.

There is also the question of the gun and the ability of the shooter to have access to guns and ammunition. I will leave this aspect to the politicians. I just have a question. When will we have killed enough people that the government will say” Enough is Enough.”

Image009

Image023These flowers are for those who were injured or died. Blessed be.

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Thanks to Feminist Men


Dalai Lama is a Feminist

One’s – Self I Sing

“One’s self I sing, a simple separate person,
Yet utter the word Democratic, the word En-Masse.

Of Physiology from top to toe I sing,
Not physiognomy alone nor brain alone is worthy for the
Muse, I say the Form complete is worthier far,
The Female equally with the Male I sing.

Of Life immense in passion, pulse, and power,
Cheerful, for freest action form’d under the laws divine,
The Modern Man I sing.

————–One’s-Self I Sing, Walt Whitman

While many of us women have been working to prevent the loss of rights, I believe it is important to thank all of the men, who over the last 40 years have believed in this cause and have become feminists. Men can pay a price for caring about the equality of the genders. A feminist man is a man who is very sure of his manhood and can rejoice in a strong assertive woman. He treats his female family members and friends as equals and partners.

The Feminist man is a man of quality in the eyes of Feminist women. They are still fairly rare in 2012, however they mean so much to women who have worked for decades to right injustices and speak out for the rights of women. 2013 brings us the next opportunity to win equal rights legally. Just as every woman needs to stand up and say she wants to be equal, we need our friends, the Feminist Men to stand by us in the coming fight.

I have had conversations with men who have actually laughed-deep belly laughs-when I mentioned legal equality for women.  Why would we want to be legally equal? The simplest answer is  because it would be much harder to take rights away from us and future generations of women.  If we would take away men’s legal equality, we would see how important it feels to them.

So, to every great man who believes in equality for all, including women, thanks for caring. Thanks for standing shoulder to shoulder with us, and thanks for having the courage to stand up and speak out despite how your male friends react. The bottom line to this entire question is that all human beings are equal. All humans should be treated with the same respect and justice. May we accomplish that ultimate goal.

Protest and March for Women’s Rights With Men of Equality

A proud man of Quality

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We Are Not Equal


 

Next year, 2013, women have another chance to be legally equal.  The Equal Rights Amendment will be before Congress once again. Frankly, I realize that men and many women don’t understand why this is an important piece of legislation. Congress, a majority of rich, white males will decide whether women and girls will receive equal treatment under the US Constitution. They will also decide  whether to ban sexual discrimination.  Next year is huge for the female gender.

This is not a new proposal. We worked very hard to obtain ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1972, We lobbied, marched and picketed in state capitals and Washington DC. We talked and explained and worked and yet the predominately male white Congress would not ratify this amendment.  We are now 12 years into the twenty-first century and we, women and girls, are not legally equal in the United States of America. This is an outrage and can’t be justified although many have tried.

Fifteen states refused to ratify this amendment in 1972. They resist efforts to change this unfair discrimination. Most of the states that did not vote to ratify the ERA, equal rights amendment, are Southern states. The female gender makes up 51% of the population of America. We are the country which is at the forefront of human rights and the majority of our citizens are not legally equal.

Our media reports about how women and girls suffer in other countries and we tell countries that they must not discriminate due to gender. We send money and officials to educate other countries and to better the status and lives of the country’s women and girls. Yet, here at home in the United States of America, women and girls continue to be discriminated against due to their sex and they continue to be the only citizens of the USA that are not legally equal under the Constitution. We are coming up to another opportunity to rectify this for the women and girls in our own country. The twenty-first century, and specifically 2013 is the year to right this wrong. Get involved. Write or email your congress people and tell them this is important to you. Find out what is happening with the ERA movement in your state.

Give us equality for all people in this world. Give us equality for women and girls in America!

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A Garden of Her Own


Photography by Barbara Mattio

I confess the title is a twist on Virginia Woolf’s A Room of Her Own. However, times have changed a lot since the days when Woolf was writing. In Woolf’s time, there was still the concept of a woman having a room where she took care of no one else and could peruse the few things in life considered appropriate for young ladies and women.  It as also a world where we were wearing corsets and breathing was a skill and swooning was the inability of the lungs to acquire the proper amount of oxygen. This also made physical exercise beyond a sedate walk quite an impossibility. So times have changed and we have changed.

The media has, of course, changed much of what happened in the 1970’s. A time came when we, who were feminists were called FemiNazis because we were expected to line up and get in our places. Being a feminist became something that some no longer wanted to admit. We had made a difference, so it was no big deal. Many people spoke up that we can accomplish everything we needed as women.

It is now the twenty-first century.  With the signing of President Obama’s equal pay law, women now will make $0.77 for every dollar a man makes for equal work. In the 1970”’s, we made $0.67 for every dollar a man made.

We worked to give women choices in the 1970’s. Many women stayed home with the children then. Many thought they were slowly losing their minds. A book called The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan came out and changed the prospects of American women. It was, for me an” aha! ” moment. Women were capable and many wanted choices. To stay home with your children, to go into the workplace, or to do both. Over the years, big business has made it almost an impossibility not to have two family incomes. So we don’t really now have the choices we worked for.

The grassroots movement against Domestic Violence began in the 1970’s and many women were able to seek legal recourse, to receive counseling, have a support system that let her start again where she and her children would be safe. We used educational programs and training for educating local police departments on how to safely answer a Domestic Violence call. Historically, more officers are injured answering a Domestic call that any other type of call.
In the twenty-first century, Domestic Violence is on the rise. FBI stats document this fact. Young women don’t understand Domestic Violence and don’t realize that when they are pushed, shoved, kicked, slapped, humiliated or even called demeaning names they are victims of Domestic Violence.

We are once again fighting for the ability to control our own bodies. They are after all, ours. We and our bodies have become a pawn in national politics and this fact is so distressing. Congress wants to be able to tell us when we can go to a doctor and when we can have procedures. They even want to be able to tell us when to have procedures.

So, we all need a room or a garden of our own. I think of my daughters and I know that they are not wearing corsets but between the demands of running a home, having a career (for those who have chosen this path), and children and husbands, they need some space for themselves. I believe that we all need the room and a garden of one’s own can be a fragrant, colorful, non-political place to breathe, be true to yourself, make decisions, and give hurried, pressured lives a time of rest and relaxation. I encourage you to try it. It also is a soothing balm for the soul.

Photography by Barbara MattioPhotography by Barbara Mattio

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The Purpose of the Marginalized


Our society has two sections, the mainstream and the marginalized. What makes up the marginalized? Important components of our culture and country. Changes of thinking, prioritizing parts of American life, immigrants, artists, circus performers, writers, poets, photographers and anyone who pulls society screaming into new ways of thinking and living.

Initial reactions to accepting new ideas and priorities are often challenging to those who have walked solidly year after year, in the right way, the mainstream. In our age, we are still working on women’s rights, hunger issues, and the rights of people who disagree with the government. I am not speaking here of homegrown terrorists. just those who are willing to think outside of the box and disagree with the powers that be.

The edges of society call for justness and fairness. They won’t settle for less. History shows us the immense changes which have been instigated by the disenfranchised or marginalized. The edges of society eventually pull society forward into the place where they are more inclusive, more tolerant, and less willing to put up with dishonesty. The colonists who began the American Revolution were fringe, and yet they founded a new country based upon freedom and democracy.  In England, they were criminals. In America, they are heroes and heroines.

So as the fringe slowly becomes the mainstream, the artist becomes well-paid, the writer is finally published, the marginalized becomes the mainstream. New fringe elements appear to challenge the acceptable, the mainstream and so on and so on. A never ending cycle, in which the marginalized move us into our own future.  If we persecute the marginalized, then, we will cease to move forward.  This is why tolerance of ideas is so important.

” I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level.  I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often painful process.”   –Diana Nyad

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Reflections


Photo by David Bonney.

I believe friends are reflections of each other. An alchemy happens and we reflects bits of one another to the world and the Universe. Life is like a large reflecting pool and the reflections fill the world.
Our children reflect us and our unspoken words. I have 9 grands and watch in awe as their little personalities emerge and as they reflect back to us what we have shown them.
Our society reflects what we say and think. It reflects how we become involved and care. Do we give of ourselves and our talents? Do we show that we care for those who are walking a harder path than ours?
And so it goes, the reflections show us to the world at large. They are more subtle than the awards we may be given or the applause we may earn. Reflections give us the essence and the flavor of who we are.