The beginning of a new year is exciting and filled with some apprehension. I am notorious for facing the new year with trepidation and glee. Yes, I realize that I sound strange. But there are reasons for both responses.
This year I know that if you were to draw a picture of me, you would see one funny looking woman. In 2015, I am looking forward to the possibility of adventure, new friends, new experiences and also leaving old friends, leaving the one grandchild that lives here, and leaving the culture that I love so much. It will be good, but I expect bumps along the way. If things unfold as I imagine them, we will be living in North Carolina this year. But it might be next year or not? No it is coming. An end to winter. Sixty four years on the Great Lakes is quite enough for any one. The doctors are pushing for the move because of my health. We are at the point that we are both taking steps to bring this to fruition, while trusting that the things that must happen will without our interfering. Depending on the universe in this is something I am working very hard on.
What I am ready for is to move, to spend more time in the sunshine. I am ready to be nearer to some of the other grandchildren. I am ready for new adventures and I am ready to be astonished.What I am not ready for is the details of making this come together like a puzzle. I dislike puzzles. So I am doing practical things, praying, believing, anticipating and dreading all at the same time. So I ask all of you, to say a prayer for my sister and I to be within the perfect order of the universe. Which brings me to:
Prayer is an Egg
On Resurrection Day God will say, ” What did you do with the strength and energy
your food gave you on earth? How did you use your eyes? What did you make with
your five senses while they were dimming and playing out? I gave you hands and feet
as tools for preparing the ground for planting. Did you, in the health I gave,
do the plowing?” You will not be able to stand when you hear those questions. You
will bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory. God will say “Lift
your head and answer the questions.” Your head will rise a little, then slump
again. “Look at me! Tell me what you’ve done.” You try, but you fall back flat
as a snake. “I want every detail. Say! Eventually you will be able to get to
a sitting position. “Be plain and clear. I have given you such gifts. What did
you do with them? ” You turn to the right looking to the prophets for help, as
though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my live. Help me out of this! They
will answer, those kings, “The time for belonging is past. The plow stands there in
the field. You should have used it.” Then you turn to the left, where your family
is, and they will say, “Don’t look at us! This conversation is between you and your
creator.” Then you pray the prayer that is the essence of every ritual: God,
I have no hope. I am torn to shreds. You are my first and last and only refuge.
Don’t do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head up and down. Prayer is a egg.
Hatch out the total helplessness inside.”
Both Wings Broken
Love draws a dagger and pulls me close.
Lock and key. Bird with both wings
broken. The love religion is all that’s
written here. who else would say this?
You open me up wide. Or you tie me
tighter. The ball waits on the field
to be hit again. You push me into fire
like Abraham. You pull me out like
Muhammed. “Which do you like better?”
you ask. All the same, if it’s your hand,
troubles or peace. Friends become enemies,
faithful faithless. Some knots tighten.
some loosen. Unruly tangle of caution and
rebellion, ropes and uncombed hair, no one
can tell. Then comes the sure attention
of a mother’s hand for her hurt child.”
“Hear oh Israel, the Lord is God, the Lord is One.” — most important prayer in Judiasm
“Go in Beauty, Peace be with you, Til we meet again in the Light.”
“May the long time sun shine upon you. All love surround you. And the pure light within you. Guide your way home.”
“Tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath.” —Kabir
“Oh music, In your depths we deposit our hearts and souls.
Thou hast taught us to see with our eyes and hear with our hearts.” —Kahil Gibran
“Flowers and bees may be different, but the honey is the same. Systems of faith may be different, but God is One.” —Rig Veda