Monthly Archives: January 2016

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Profiles of the People in a Domestic Violence situation


Emotional abuse often contains yelling and more

Emotional abuse often contains yelling and more

In any Domestic Violence situation there are so many emotions filling the air. There is anger, fear, control, terror. For children watching the violence play out, it is a horrifying experience. Children often feel it is their faults.

 

Profile of a Victim 

Has low self-esteem

Believes all the myths about abusive relationships

Is a traditionalist about the home; strongly believes in family unity and the prescribed feminine sex role stereotypes.

Accepts responsibility for the batter’s actions.

Suffers from guilt, yet denies feelings of terror and anger.

Presents a passive face to the world but has the strength to attempt constantly to manipulate her environment enough to prevent further violence.

Has severe stress reactions, with psychophysiological complaints.

Uses sex as a way to establish intimacy.

Believes that no one will be able to resolve her predicament except herself.

 

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Profile of the Batterer 

Has low self-esteem.

Believes all the myths about abusive relationships.

Is a traditionalist, believing strongly in male supremacy.

Blames other for his actions.

Presents a dual personality. He/she is charming and social and upbeat out in public and at home he/she is controlling, angry, blaming.

Has severe stress reactions, during which he abuses his partner/children/and often uses alcohol and/or drugs to cope.

Frequently uses sex as an act of aggression to enhance self-esteem.

Does not believe his/her violent behavior should have negative consequences.

 

Who are the People who Batter?

 

People who batter come from all socioeconomic backgrounds, races, religions and walks of life. The abuser may be blue collar or a white collar worker. They may be unemployed or highly paid. He/she may be a drinker or a nondrinker. Batterers represent all different personalities, family backgrounds and professions.  There is actually no “typical abuser.”

 

This means that a Congressperson can be a batterer and there have been more than one member of Congress who was a batterer. A priest or pastor could batter. Your funny and kind postal service person, the server at your favorite restaurant might abuse. Your neighbor, a police officer, a fire person or a librarian could go home and hit their intimate partner. Your favorite doctor or dentist could batter. Your car mechanic or the person who plows snow from your driveway could also hit, punch, slap, kick their partner. Domestic Violence is found everywhere. That is what makes this such an important issue. It is a global epidemic.

 

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Just What is Domestic Violence?


I have begun again to volunteer at a Domestic Violence shelter here in North Carolina. It feels good to be back once again to the cause the helped to form me as a feminist.

 

Domestic Violence is not only physical, emotional, sexual and psychological violence. Psychological violence is intense and repetitive degradation, creating isolation and controlling the actions or behaviors of the victim through intimidation or manipulation to the detriment of the individual.

 

A battering incident is rarely an isolated event. Battering tends to increase and gradually become more severe as time goes on.

 

The newest stats show us that 85% of women experience at least one incident of battering in her lifetime. One in three women are abused emotionally and physically.

 

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to establish power and control over another intimate partner that often leads to the threat or use of violence. Many victims suffer multiple forms of abuse. Approximately 40% of women report that the first assault by their partner occured during pregnancy.

 

Physical abuse includes but is not limited to hitting, spitting, biting, pinching, slapping, twisting an arm, punching, or tripping. After the first assault, the abuse may be frequent or infrequent, prolonged or brief, severe or mild. The purpose is to gain power and control over the intimate partner.

 

Victims of emotional abuse often say that it takes longer to recover from emotional abuse than most physical abuse. It can take a lifetime to heal from emotional assaults. Anyone can be abused, male or female, straight or homosexual. And there is no excuse or reason that is ever acceptable for the Domestic Violence. There is no legitimate or viable reason to hit an intimate partner.

 

There are laws to protect victims in every state in the continental United States. There are also laws in Hawaii, Alaska and all 0f the US possessions. There is relief for every victim of battering.

 

There are many reasons for Domestic Violence and each are true to a certain degree. Each carries a certain amount of truth. Primarily, the theories distract police and the court system from the real truth. It works! Battering allows the perpetrator to get what they want. It is really that simple.

 

More than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) of women and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) of men in the United States experience Domestic Violence during their lifetimes. They have experienced rape, physical violence, and /or stalking by an intimate partner. This is from the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 report.

 

It is a crime to commit Domestic Violence and marital rape is a crime in all states and all American possessions. We have to stop the violence.

 

Peace on Earth begins at home. No More Violence! 

 

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     Domestic Violence

 

This is what an abused child looks like.

This is what an abused child looks like.

 

The majority of victims are strangled at least once. often before a homicide.

The majority of victims are strangled at least once. often before a homicide.

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What Teachers REALLY do


 

 

 

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These days it has become common place to blame teachers for what is wrong in the schools. My oldest daughter is a teacher of special education. She is in a small town and she also has to do all the paper work and watches over the kids for field trips and on an everyday basis. She also does bus duty everyday morning and afternoons. She also teaches English as a second language at the local community education.

 

She has gotten her Masters’ Degree while working and has three children of her own. They are my three oldest grandchildren. I am proud of her but I know is stories of “a little boy or girl” whose parents just disappear for awhile. The little boy in a wheelchair whose school bus didn’t come for some reason. He was six years old and sat in his chair while it rained on him all day and his older brother got home from school.

 

Not all teachers are the best America might produce, but the majority are hard working  and caring. Most do teach all the subjects they are assigned to teach plus all the things many parents don’t want to be bothered teaching their children. I know many teachers and they are, like firemen and policemen worth far more than they are paid.

 

So when the football draft comes up again, when a movie peaks at the box office, when a CEO gets a thirty thousand dollar raise, remember those in our society who are trying to raise a family on that thirty thousand dollars and get them through college.

 

A word of thanks or a quick hug would really make a teacher’s day. A prayer for them once in a while would be a great idea also. They are teaching our future scientists, Congress, doctors, inventors and diplomats. It is no small job.

 

Namaste,

Barbara

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Finding Their Voices


 

 

 

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These girls belong to a program called GET LIT. Its mission is to increase literacy with the use of poetry. These young girls are just some of the students inspired and encouraged about the power of the word.

 

As they perform their poetry at public venues such as on the Queen Latifah show, they have the ability to say what they feel safely and to know that they are touching other people with their words. I believe this is a great program for our schools and a wonderful addition to school curriculum. See if it is in your schools. It is a wonderful way for teens to learn to express their feelings in non-violent ways.

 

“Poetry comes from the heart, it’s the soul-talk of a culture. Get Lit makes this happen in so many wonderful ways. When young people own both a classic poem, and then endeavor to create their own poetic responses, this is the bridge between generations, of the old and the new, of the traditional and the yet-to-be-traditional. Get Lit makes this happen – and we as a city, a country, and a world are better off for it. ”

-Luis J. Rodriguez,
poet, activist, author

 

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Protests against Cologne Sex Attacks


Violence and fear are the way some people try to control others.  Woman are often the victims of male hatred. Rape has no connection to sex. It is a political weapon in times of war. In the everyday, it is all about power and control. It is also part of the global war against women. Middle Eastern countries often want complete control of women and that is what they are trying to accomplish.

When a woman is raped she feels violated, humiliated and shamed. Some are angry and some feel that they are dirty. Some will report a rape and some are too ashamed. Some don’t want to be near even a husband or a boyfriend.

All are victims and not to be blamed. None of them should have to hear “you shouldn’t have been there” or “your skirt was too short” or “a group of women out like that, in the night, are just asking for it”. She shouldn’t be shamed, must not be blamed for the power hungry cowardly acts of the men who treat women like possessions and do not recognize that women are people to be treated with respect. The women raped in this story will need time and support to heal from this trauma.

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Police clash with protesters angry about Cologne sex attacks

By Don Melvin and Greg Botelho, CNN

Updated 6:55 PM ET, Sat January 9, 2016

Berlin (CNN)German protesters angry about the New Year’s Eve mob sex attacks and muggings in Cologne, Germany, clashed with police on Saturday.

Cologne police responded with tear gas and water cannons after right-wing groups threw beer bottles, firecrackers and stones at officers in riot gear. Several officers and a freelance journalist were injured, police said, though the extent of their injuries were not known.

About 500 of the approximately 1,700 demonstrators supported Pegida, an organization that opposes immigration of Muslims from the Middle East, police said. A counter protest against Pegida was also held.

Fifteen people were arrested but that number may grow as videos are viewed, police said.

Many of the protesters were angry at police response to the attacks as well as the influx of migrants and refugees into Europe.

“Where were you on New Year’s Eve?” one protester yelled at police “Why didn’t you protect those women?”

Thirty-one people, most of them North African or Middle Eastern countries, have been charged in the attacks. Of those, 18 have been identified as asylum-seekers.

Cologne police said they received a total of 379 complaints about New Year’s Eve in Cologne, with about 40% being investigated as sex crimes. Other European cities reported similar rashes of sex crime reports.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has condemned the attacks in Germany as “disgusting, criminal acts” deserving of a decisive response. But she did not back down on her commitment to welcome refugees who obey German laws and pledge to integrate into German society.

In Cologne, where many of the attacks took place, a police spokesman confirmed that Chief Wolfgang Albers was fired Friday. Albers’ dismissal came amid criticism of his department’s handling of the violence.

One victim of the Cologne violence told CNN there were too few police on the streets to prevent attacks.

“We ran to the police. But we saw the police were so understaffed,” the victim said. “They couldn’t take care of us and we as women suffered the price.”

Spiegel Online reported that groups of men prevented officers from reaching those crying out for help.

“The events of New Year’s Eve like a spotlight once more highlighted the challenge we face in a new aspect that we had not really looked at before,” Merkel said Saturday in Mainz, at a meeting of her conservative CDU Party.

Merkel garnered international acclaim for her decision to welcome many of the hundreds of thousands of Middle Easterners who have made the journey to Europe this year in search of safety, food, work and a better life.

But Merkel stressed Saturday that Germany’s welcome was not unconditional.

“We, of course, expect from the refugees who come to us, those seeking protection, that they have the will to integrate, that they strive for integration,” she said.

Her response showed a determination to avoid repeating what are broadly viewed within Germany as the mistakes officials made with regard to Turkish “guest workers” after World War II. Because it was assumed that arrangement was temporary, virtually no attempt was made to learn (or teach) the language, customs and mores of the new home country.

The mistakes of that era echo through Germany to this day. Generations later, some families of Turkish origin living in Germany do not speak German, and forests of satellite dishes are all aligned to receive Turkish TV broadcasts. Many young third- or fourth-generation Turks lack a sense of belonging, a sense of being German, even though their grandparents were born in the country.

Cologne mayor criticized for advice to avoid men

And Merkel continued to say the newcomers were welcome.

Tough prosecution of wrongdoing, she said, “is in the interest of citizens of Germany, but it is just as much in the interest of the large majority of refugees who are here with us and, therefore, it is absolutely right.”

Those who break German laws may forfeit their right to residency and to asylum, she said.

Germany is going through experiencing recriminations over who should have prevented the attacks and whether someone was asleep at the wheel.

Interior Minister Thomas de Maiziere has criticized the response of Cologne police, and German Justice Minister Heiko Maas was among many who expressed disapproval of Cologne Mayor Henriette Reker for advising women to keep “more than an arm’s length” away from unknown men.

Reker later said the comments had been taken out of context.

Cologne police spokeswoman Christoph Gilles told reporters Friday that 170 criminal complaints had been filed related to the apparently coordinated attacks, “at least 120 of which have a sexual angle.”

An 80-person investigative team is looking at 250 videos with about 350 hours of footage, Gilles said.

The 31 suspects charged include nine Algerian nationals, eight people from Morocco, five from Iran and four from Syria, German interior ministry spokesman Tobias Plate said. Two are German citizens, while one each comes from Iraq, Serbia and the United States.

Other German cities experienced similar attacks the same night, including the northern city of Hamburg, where more than 50 incidents were reported.

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Obama Takes Gun Control Action when Congress Won’t


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(CNN)President Barack Obama grew emotional Tuesday as he made a passionate call for a national “sense of urgency” to limit gun violence.

He was introduced by Mark Barden, whose son Daniel was killed in the 2012 massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. Obama circled back to that shooting in the final moments of his speech.

“Every time I think about those kids, it gets me mad,” Obama said, pausing to wipe away tears.

He added: “And by the way, it happens on the streets of Chicago every day,” referring to his hometown where he began his political career.

Guns must not be allowed on our streets.

Guns must not be allowed on our streets.  The streets have enough blood on them already.

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The White House is seeking to expand background checks for buyers. The measure clarifies that individuals “in the business of selling firearms” register as licensed gun dealers, effectively narrowing the so-called “gun show loophole,” which exempts most small sellers from keeping formal sales records.

Former Congresswoman and gun control advocate Gabby Giffords, who was seriously injured in a 2011 mass shooting, was also in attendance at Tuesday’s event and was greeted with a standing ovation from the White House audience.

Obama hammered congressional Republicans for opposing measures like expanded background checks as he called on Americans to punish them at the polls. He defended his actions to strengthen background checks for purchasing guns, answering critics who say the measure would not make it harder for criminals to obtain firearms.

“Each time this comes up, we are fed the excuse that common-sense reforms like background checks might not have stopped the last massacre, or the one before that, or the one before that, so why bother trying,” Obama said. “I reject that thinking.”

“We know we can’t stop every act of violence, every act of evil in the world. But maybe we could try to stop one act of evil, one act of violence,” he added.

The President blasted the gun lobby, particularly the National Rifle Association, and insisted that his actions are “not a plot to take away everybody’s guns.”

He compared his push for gun control to steps the United States and businesses have taken to limit traffic fatalities, require fingerprints to unlock iPads and keep children from opening bottles of aspirin.

“I believe in the Second Amendment, there written on paper, that guarantees the right to bear arms,” Obama said. “No matter how many times people try to twist my words around, I taught constitutional law. I know a little bit about this. But I also believe that we can find ways to reduce gun violence consistent with the Second Amendment.”

Obama said Congress, which blocked a tougher gun bill in 2013, still needs to impose new gun control measures. He noted that many of the actions he’s calling for can only be imposed through legislative action.

“Congress still needs to act,” Obama said. “The folks in this room will not rest until Congress does. Because once Congress gets on board with common-sense gun safety measures, we can reduce gun violence a whole lot.”

“But we also can’t wait,” Obama added. “Until we have the Congress that’s in line with the majority of Americans, there are actions within my legal authority that we can take to help reduce gun violence and save more lives.”

In addition to expanding and bolstering the background check system to cover sales that take place online and at gun shows, Obama said the administration will provide more funding for mental health treatment, FBI staff and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco Firearms and Explosives agents.

On Capitol Hill, the reaction from Republicans was just as Obama had predicted.

House Speaker Paul Ryan, R-Wisconsin, said Obama’s actions “will no doubt be challenged in the courts” and “can be overturned by a Republican President.”

“From day one, the President has never respected the right to safe and legal gun ownership that our nation has valued since its founding,” Ryan said in a statement. “He knows full well that the law already says that people who make their living selling firearms must be licensed, regardless of venue. Still, rather than focus on criminals and terrorists, he goes after the most law-abiding of citizens. His words and actions amount to a form of intimidation that undermines liberty.”

Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, vowed in New Hampshire on Tuesday that she will “take on that fight” and continue Obama’s gun control push if she’s elected.

On Twitter, in a tweet signed “-H” to indicate it was written by Clinton, rather than her staff, the former secretary of state thanked Obama “for taking a crucial step forward on gun violence. Our next President has to build on that progress—not rip it away.”

And her campaign highlighted Republican candidates’ criticism of Obama’s comments on its website, warning that a GOP president would undo Obama’s actions.

Many polls have found broad support for expanded background checks — the most recent being a Quinnipiac University poll in December. In that survey, 89% overall support it, 84% in gun-owning households, 87% of Republicans, 86% of independent, 95% of Democrats.

In a December CNN/ORC poll, 48% of Americans said they were in favor of stricter gun control laws, 51% were opposed.

Support for stricter laws has been less than half since 2013. There’s a sharp partisan divide on the question, with 74% of Democrats in favor of stricter laws, while just 23% of Republicans feel the same way.

Among those who live in a gun-owning household, 29% favor stricter laws, that rises to 65% among those who live in households where no one owns a gun.

Just 35% approve of Obama’s handling of gun policy, including 56% of Democrats and 55% of liberals. That’s well below his approval rating among Democrats/liberals for other top issue.

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We can not continue to let all of these mass murders happen here in The United States of America. We are a nation the world looks up to despite slavery, racism and misogyny. These are terrible demerits for a nation and now we are killing each other off…over and over again. The NRA has bought out Congress. They have more power than everyone except for the Executive branch.
We the people are allowing this to happen. If you want stricter gun laws,write, call, tweet, fax, facebook your Congress people and let them know how you feel. You elected them and you can unelected them. Our society is deteriorating at a terrible rate. It must be stopped or else the gun holders will commit more crimes than the mob ever has.
Think about your children’s children’s children. Do we want them to grow up in a bloody hate filled, thoughtless, mean spirited world? I sure don’t. I want the America which our Founding Fathers formed. The country where people were supposed to live in equality, compassion and kindness. Think about this before you vote and vote for the coming generations and not just for today.
Namaste.
Barbara
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Child Sexual Abuse and Rape in the Military


Military child rape and sexualabuse—what the Pentagon does not want you to know
By Leslie Salzillo  from dailykos.com
Wednesday Jan 06, 2016 4:56 PM EST

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This is a tough one to write. In a recent report, a incredibly disturbing statistic has been revealed involving the military and child rape and sexual abuse.

There were at least 1,584 substantiated cases of military dependents being sexually abused between fiscal years 2010 and 2014, according to the data. Enlisted service members sexually abused children in 840 cases. Family members of the victims accounted for the second largest category with 332 cases.

Most of the enlisted offenders were males whose ranks ranged between E-4 and E-6. In the Marine Corps and Army, for example, those troops are corporals, sergeants and staff sergeants. Officers were involved in 49 of the cases. The victims were overwhelmingly female.

In one instance, Marine Capt. Aaron C. Masa sexually abused a fellow Marine buddy’s three-year-old stepdaughter. He also took sexually explicit photos of the toddler and her infant sister. The three-year-old began having nightmares and sleeping by the door. She said she “hurt down there.” When her mother took her to the hospital the child was happy and the hospital staff diagnosed her with a urinary track infection and treated her with antibiotics. It wasn’t until the child told a neighbor she didn’t like Masa and he touched her—and “made it hurt.” Military authorities stepped in and Masa, 24, admitted to five instances of sexually assaulting the toddler. He is currently serving 30 years in prison.

Clair Burnish with AntiMedia writes that the data accounts “only for cases involving military dependents” which are the only child victims.

In other words, children outside military families who are sexually assaulted by troops simply aren’t accounted for. This fact, in itself, creates enormous lingering doubts about the reasons for lack of tracking — and for the actuality of the victim count.

On international levels, ColumbiaReports.com cites historian Renan Vega of the Pedagogic University in Bogotá whose research reveals a 2004 case in Melgar where 53 underage girls were allegedly sexually abused by military contractors “who moreover filmed [the abuse] and sold the films as pornographic material.” Vega explained:

There exists abundant information about the sexual violence absolute impunity thanks to the bilateral agreements and diplomatic immunity of United States officials.

Burnish with AntiMedia adds that according to the Colombian report, “no disciplinary or legal action was ever undertaken, so tracking the perpetrators is next to impossible.”

But of those cases that do reach trial, the numbers are no less than shocking. According to a previous study by the AP from November 2015, this apparent rampant child sexual assault issue among the troops is clearly evidenced; of the 61% confined in the military’s prison network for sex crimes, over half the cases involved children as victims.

The question: What is the U.S. military doing to help end this military plague?

There are reportedly three Democratic senators who are urging Defense Secretary Ash Carter to lift what they called the military justice system’s “cloak of secrecy” and make records from sex-crimes investigations and trials more accessible. You can privately message or post on Defense Secretary Carter’s Facebook Page.  As for addressing the thousands of alleged military sexual assault crimes in Columbian, by U.S. military, U.S. President Barack Obama sent Special Envoy Bernie Aronson to Colombia to assist in the process. Sadly, Columbia is only one country—out of how many?

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​As well as addressing these atrocious crimes, causes and solutions must be explored so they don’t continue to occur. After helping and protecting victims/potential victims, extensive mental health evaluations and treatment for U.S. troops would do well to also top the list.

There is nothing worse than hurting a child in any way. These children have been traumatized and will carry the scars for ever. I spent a bit of time of counseling adults who had been molested as children. That it would happen in our military, makes me cry. We trust them to save people from war. Not to torture children with sexual abuse. I realize not all military personnel are guilty, but it is like the Catholic Church. How do you know who is a danger to children and who is not.

 

Namaste,

Barbara

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Even a Gorilla Understands we are Killing Mother Earth


 

 

 

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We hear you fellow creatures. We know we are wrecking the world and we are afraid.What we have unleashed has such a momentum now, we don’t know how to turn it around. Don’t leave us alone, we need your help.You need us too for your own survival. Are there powers there you can share with us?

 

“I lichen, work slowly,very slowly. Time is my friend. This is what I give you: patience for the long haul and perseverance.”

 

“It is a dark time. As deep diving trout I offer you my fearless of the dark.”

 

“I lion, give your my roar, the voice to speak out and be heard.”

 

I am caterpillar. The leaves I eat taste better now. But dimly I sense a great change coming. What I offer you, humans, is my willingness to dissolve and transform. I do that without knowing what the end result will be; so I share with you my courage too.

 

—Joanna Macy

 

“The foundations of morality was rising above the merely personal. The most important endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance can give beauty and dignity to life.”

Albert Einstein

 

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Portrait of Albert Einstein.

Portrait of Albert Einstein.