October 4, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Domestic Violence is a Crime

Purple ribbons signify that we do not accept Domestic Violence

Pregnant women get beaten often.

You can’t tell by looking if that guy who is so sweet and kind to you is also an abuser. He could begin battering you on you wedding night, Everything could be wonderful until you get pregnant.The loving man you married could begin battering your pregnant belly. Where is that wonderful guy you married? Everything could be all right until he doesn’t get his first promotion.

Violence in the home is a crime. That never changed.

Is it your fault? No. How can I be sure? Abusers will always blame their behavior on anyone but themselves. You will find that he is never pleased with what you do. Dinner isn’t on the table when he comes home. Or the children are too noisy when he comes home. Or you stopped at the store on the way home from work. A man was looking at you at a party. Your family wants to come and visit you for the Holidays. One of the children needs to go to football practice and needs his father to give him a ride. You ran out of milk and need to go out. He always looks at events as your failure to meet his standards.

So what is the difference between a guy being upset with you and living with the batterer? If your significant other, boyfriend, spouse or teen-age son punches, hit, pushes, or slaps, you he is abusing you. If he shoves you face into dinner, or punches a hole in a wall, he is a batterer. You Can’t Change Him!

There is no specific time you can expect abuse to start.

Physical abuse most often is accompanied by emotional abuse. If you are being called a pig, stupid, a whore, a bitch, lazy, a lousy cook, fat slob, you are in an abusive relationship. The truth is that it isn’t your fault. And you have millions of sisters who are hearing the same words and are feeling the same fists. After the first incident, he will often cry, swear it will never happen again. He will also tell you he loves you more than life. This is the honeymoon aspect of the cycle of violence. It won’t last. Even if you call the police and he spends the night in jail, he will abuse you again. Unless you leave and get to a shelter or someplace else that is safe, you will be expected, when he comes home, to sleep with the enemy. To lie down in bed next to the man who spit on you, pulled your hair, called you a whore in front of your children and then punched you over and over. Lie down with the man that you love and who sent you to the Emergency Room. Female victims are the only victims of a violent crime who often must sleep with the person who hurt her.

The cycle of violence

If you are in a violent relationship, begin to squirrel money away, and medications for you and the children. Hide a fully packed suitcase so that if you and the children need to flee in the night you can quietly get out. Any taxi driver or bus driver can take you to a shelter. The only thing the shelter will ask of you is not to reveal its address. Abusers coming to the door is not good. I can remember a night an abuser showed up to teach us a lesson. He had a gun. I called the police and they hauled him away. Every woman and child in the shelter must be kept safe.

Advocates across the nation work together to keep women and children safe. Over the years, Domestic Violence advocates have gathered to light candles and mourn those who lost their lives to an abuser. We also celebrate those who are alive and no longer living in fear with the person who hurts them. In October 1987, we observed the very first Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Disarm Domestic Violence

Ending violence in the home requires national vigilance and dedication from every sector of our country. Everyone in America must stand with advocates, the first responders, victim service providers and our criminal justice system to protect those who Live with the Enemy. Women and children need the basics of food, shelter, warm clothes. They need counseling, financial assistance so she doesn’t have to return to the man who beat her face to a bloody pulp. She needs help to find a place to live without fear.

I commend every woman who has worked in Domestic Violence. I began in the 70’s and saving lives was my motivation. Shelter workers are some of the bravest people I have ever known. If you have some time, call your communities hotline and volunteer or volunteer at a shelter.

You can help. We can do it together.

October 3, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Domestic Violence Proclomation

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2013

By the President of the United States of America

A proclamation

Since the passage of the Violence Against Women ACT (VAWA) nearly twenty years ago, our Nation’s response to domestic violence has greatly improved. What was too often seen as a private matter best hidden behind closed doors is now an established issue of national concern. We have changed our laws, transformed our culture, and improved support services for survivors. We have seen a significant drop in domestic violence homicides and improved training for police, prosecutors, and advocates. Yet we must do more to provide protection and justice for survivors and to prevent violence from occurring. During National Domestic Violence Awareness Month ,we stand with domestic abuse survivors, celebrate our Nation’s progress in combatting these despicable crimes, and resolve to carry on until domestic violence is no more.

Although we have made substantial progress in reducing domestic violence, one in four women and one in seven men in the United States still suffer serious physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner at least once during their lifetimes. Every day, three women lose their lives in this country as a result of domestic violence. Millions of Americans live in daily, silent fear within their own homes.

My Administration remains devoted to halting this devastating violence. To lead by example, last year I directed Federal agencies to develop policies to assist victims of domestic violence in the Federal workforce. Earlier this year, Vice President Biden announced new grants for initiatives that aim to reduce domestic violence homicides across our country.

This past spring, I signed the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act. The Act provided law enforcement with better resources to investigate cases of rape, gives colleges more tools to educate students about dating violence and sexual assault, and empowers tribal courts to prosecute those who commit domestic violence on tribal lands, regardless of whether the aggressor is a member of the tribe. In addition,

VAWA will continue to allow relief for immigrant victims of domestic violence, and LGBT victims will receive care and assistance.

Thanks to the landmark Affordable Care Act, insurance companies will be prohibited from denying converage because of pre-existing conditions , and new health plans must cover domestic violence screening and counseling with no copayments or cost sharing. Millions will have the chance to sign up for affordable care through the new Health Insurance Marketplace by visiting www. HealthCare.gov beginning October 1.

Ending violence in the home is a national imperative that requires vigilance and dedication from every sector of our society. We must continue to stand alongside advocates, victim service, law enforcement, and our criminal justice system as they hold offenders accountable and provide care and support to survivors. We must work with young people to stop violence before it starts. We must also reach out to friends and loved ones who have suffered from domestic violence, and we must tell them they are not alone. I encourage victims, their loved ones who have suffered from domestic violence and concerned citizens to learn more by calling the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE AT 1=800-799-SAFE, OR BY VISITING WWW.THE HOTLINE.ORG.

This October, let us honor National Domestic Violence Awareness Month by promoting peace in our own families, homes, and communities. Let us renew our committment to end domestic violence—in every city, every town, and every corner of America.

NOW, THEREFORE, I ,BARAK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 2013 as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I call on all Americans to speak out against domestic violence and support local efforts to assist victims of these crimes in finding the help and healing they need.

In Witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand thirteen, and of the Independence of the United States of

America the two hundred and thirty-eight.

Barak Obama

Thank you Mr. President for your concern about victims and your acknowledgement of the seriousness of these horrible crimes. We will not rest until every woman and child can live without fear in their lives.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month in America.

October 2, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

October is Prevent Domestic Violence Month

Purple ribbons signify that we do not accept Domestic Violence

The NCADV or National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and it is the national leader in the effort to create and influence Federal legislation that possibly affects the lives of Domestic Violence victims and children. You can reach NCADV by calling 1-800-700=SAFE. Purple is the color for Domestic Violence.

Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caregivers is the strongest risk factor for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Little girls who watch their mothers being battered and abused learn them to be victims. This is serious and so sad to see. Children who always tried to protect their mothers may end up as batterers or victims. Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew. One in four women experience Domestic Violence sometime during their lives. 85 % of Domestic Violence victims are women.

Almost 1/3 of female homicide victims that are reported to police, according to police records, are killed by an intimate partner. Less than 1/5 of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury. If you go to the hospital for treatment, a doctor or a nurse will ask you if you have been battered. It takes bravery to tell. You are afraid of being hit, pushed, shoved, punched or killed. Statistically, more women are killed trying to get out than at any other time.

This is why it is important to get to a shelter. There are Domestic Violence shelters where women and children can be protected.They will be fed, clothed, and given counseling and legal options. Shelters are filled with women who want to help you and women who have gone through what you have been through. Most cases of Domestic Violence are not reported to police. In 70-80% of victims who report this crime need to be treated in Urgecares or Emergency Rooms.

There is a cycle of violence and an episode of battering or abuse is followed by the hearts and flowers phase. Abusers are so sorry, they cry, they swear it will happen again, often they buy expensive gifts. If the woman doesn’t get out here, things will go along for a while and then the tensions increase. The abuser begins to call names and yell and then he will hit the woman again. This cycle can go on and on for years. The cycle of violence must be broken to save lives. The cost of providing the health care to abused women who are beaten by their intimate partner exceeds $5.8 billion each year.

I began working in Domestic Violence in the 1970’s and there is nothing I haven’t seen. I have even served protection orders to the men who batter their partners. I wasn’t ever hit but many times I had to explain that I was a friend of the court and if they hit me it wasn’t DV, it was assault and they would receive 2 years in jail. That saved me more than once. What is happening in homes across America, is very frightening and we must stop these tragedies.

Abuse is found everywhere. The mailman’s wife, the pastor’s wife, the musician’s live-in girlfriend. Wives of Senators get battered, and the wives of Fortune 500 CEO’s. The perfectty calm charming man that works next to you will go home and beat his wife because dinner wasn’t on the table when he got home. I am going to continue talking about abuse, date rape and rape within marriage for the month.

In 1994, NOW, the National Organization of Women, coordinated a march and protest in Washington DC. There were hundreds of chartered busses filled with feminists and feminist men. We had strung a clothes line up in the National Mall. Hundreds of feet of clothesline and we hung up t-shirts in memory of the moms and sisters and friends who died because they were beaten to death. We also hung up the shirts of those who survived and got out. There were thousands. Everywhere you looked was a shirt that represented a human being, a woman who had been beaten over and over or had eventually been beaten to death.

Alcohol lessens the inhibitions of the abuser and it usually ends in a terrible beating.

it is time to stop the Violence. You can volunteer at your local shelter.

September 30, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Women Continue to be Abused

Break the silence, protect women and children

Domestic Violence does not end because a woman is getting older

While our country is being held hostage by our ineffective congress, we are still at war, teachers are still trying to teach our children, and people are hungry and homeless and women continue to be beaten and abused. They are physically beaten, broken and burned. They are still suffering from mental abuse and emotional abuse. So while almost everyone is talking and writing about the government I feel I must speak out for the women who are still and will in the future, be battered.

Statistics differ from one country to another country and between states here In America. The FBI keeps statistics on abused women and men. 5% of men are abused. Sadly, one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. That means you know someone who has been beaten at least once. An estimated 1.3 million women are abused or physically assaulted each year by an intimate partner. 73 % of family violence victimizes women. The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $ 5,8 billion each year. $4,1 billion of which goes to direct services and mental health services. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

There is a cycle of violence which was identified in the seventies.

In the seventies, I helped to start a shelter for battered women and children. I have seen the injuries, photographed injuries before taking women to the ER. I have listened to the stories of frightened and terrified women. I have represented them in court. I have held crying and sometimes bleeding children. I have held them when they woke up screaming in the night. I have worked in Domestic Violence in two states.

Money is always a problem in providing services to abused women. Funding a shelter is always a problem and a urgent need that must be met. Part of funding comes from marriage license fees. These are population based and rural areas suffer due to smaller populations. So when the United Way asks for funding during their campaign, you can donate and earmark your donation for your local domestic violence shelter. They will also need your old bedding and towels and kitchen supplies. Clothes that women can wear to a job interview are also helpful. All of this is a charitable deduction on your taxes. Just ask for a receipt.

In other cultures, women in every country are being abused.

To receive more information, please call 1-800-934-0840 if you live in Ohio. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-safe. This hotline is called NCADV, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE.

Our conversation about battering is not done. But I hope that if you know of someone who is being abused or you think it might be what is happening, you will give these phone numbers to them. Talk to them. Tell them they are not alone and many many people care about what is happening to them.

End the abuse. Save lives and get help.

June 11, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Peace, Violence and all Stops Inbetween

Inter-coastal Waterway an alternative to sailing on the ocean

Photograph by Barbara Mattio; Copyrighted in 2013

I believe that many people are looking for peace these days and many are making peace in their families and communities. Not all, but the people who are choosing peace are adding to the love and goodness in their worlds. This is good to see. Some people continue to be filled with rage and hatred. Murders and rapes keep taking place. Corruption in our towns and cities still raises its ugly head.

So what happens when you feel you have created peace in the bit of world which is yours? What happens when we see others without freedoms or rights? Do we just look away from the pictures? Is there a positive response we can develope? How do we do it?

No More War!

We can immerse ourselves in kindness and love and greet those we love and those we meet as our lives flow long. The way of peace is not just what we develop within. It does start here though .What happens when the peace we have worked for and have established within, faces the violence, hatred and rage that is in the world? We need to be able to look at and work with all of the ugly-ness and not lose any of our love, peace or light. Refusing to listen to the cries of anguish isn’t an answer. Freedom, love and peace must be taken from our own lives and put into the world. It is a process and a necessary one pulling us into the fray. We can’t live fully, and turn our heads and hearts away from suffering, greed and war.

These women have established peace in their lives and are looking to make peace in the world.

We can fight for women’s rights, we can stop Domestic Violence, we can stop children from being molested and we can try to understand how it feels to be sold into slavery. We can take a stand against against rulers who are holding their citizens in oppression and fear.

War destroys the childhoods of children.

I believe we have to be ready to get involved with bringing love and peace into the world. Join Amnesty International. I have written letters to many world leaders who are holding its citizens as political prisioners. You can join local peace and anti-war organizations. You can speak your truth gently to those who walk the path of war. You can send medications, donations, clothes and text books to countries where they are greatly needed.

Look to your journey and find the path towards peace.

Yes, peace begins with each of us, but it can’t stay just within us. We must meet with others who want peace and by adding all of our peaceful intentions together, we can make changes in the world at large. One candle is a light, 100 candles is a brilliant light, a million candles is a bonfire. Let’s make bonfires where we live and where we work and we will succeed. So throw that pebble into the pond and watch the ripples of peace move outward to touch all people who need an end to war and rage.

Green is the color of PEACE!

March 20, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Can we Disarm Domestic Violence

Disarm Domestic Violence

The people in Domestic Violence have put forth the logical thinking that abusers need to be not allowed to own guns by law. And guess who disagrees. The NRA. The National Rifle Association feels it is right and proper for an abuser to own guns. Even to own assault guns. I feel this is absurd and will increase the deaths of victims of Domestic Violence.

Enough victims have died due to their abuse. Why would we want to arm the abusers? The NRA has beaten back legislation to stop abusers from owning guns. This legislation would mandate that an abuser turn in all guns and not be able to buy more. Yes, I realize it is easy. Under current laws, you can buy guns at gun shows and other places.

Do we want to make it easier for the abuser to have a gun to further his/her power and control? They believe it is the constitutional right even of abusers. The NRA feels guns should not be confiscated unless someone is found guilty of a felony. They feel it “would be a nuisance”. I believe it could save lives.

At this point in time, Domestic Violence is a misdemeanor and includes a maximum sentence of 18 months. Even if it is a felony in your state, abusers need to lose the guns.

In Washington, current law gives judges issuing civil protection orders the discretion to require the surrender of firearms.They need to find a “serious and imminent threat” to public health. Records show that they seldom confiscate guns from an abuser. I guess if the imminent threat is ‘only’ about the women and children, that doesn’t count as public safety.

According to the New York Times, at least five women have been murdered in New York City by guns used by their abuser.This form of gun violence happens all the time even when the courts step in because the laws requiring the surrender of firearm under orders protection are not strong enough, subject to judicial lacity or are non-existent.

There are many individual stories that can freeze your blood. A woman’s abuser held a gun in her mouth and threatened to shoot her. He did not lose his guns until the cops stopped him from shooting her a second time. A woman filed for divorce and a restraining order. The cops refused to remove his collection of firearms. She went into hiding, with the assistance of the “Underground Railroad” that has been created by Domestic Violence shelters. After a while she felt safe and she returned to her life. Her husband caught her in a parking lot and shot her and then killed himself.

The NRA needs to be stopped from encouraging the right to bear arms even if you are guilty of being an abuser. Male or female abuser, it is the same.If the NRA supports families as they like to brag about, then they should agree to the confiscation of all the guns of a person who assaults their spouse, significant other or children. It is time to revisit the intention of the Second Amendment. The Founding Fathers did not intend for people to hide their crimes behind the Amendment.

If you are interested, there are previous blogs of mine dealing with gun control and Domestic Violence.

The War on Women

Quote from Abraham Lincoln

Don’t turn away from uncomfortable truth. Stand up and stop the violence. Care what happens in families.

September 5, 2012 by IdealisticRebel

What Women Want

This is a subject that has inspired books and movies. It is now a huge part of our 2012 Presidential election. Now, be assured that not all women want more rights. Some are happy and content being “owned” by the significant male in their life. But for those of us who are strong. capable and passionate, we want change. We don’t want to go back to the nineteenth century and we want to move forward.

Women want to be legally equal in 2013. We are the only citizens of the United States of America who are not equal legally. We want the government and men out of our bodies. We are capable of making choices that effect our reproduction and our health.

We want people to understand that rape is not legitimate. It has nothing to do with sex. It is completely about power and control. I cite the cases of eighty-five year old women and one year old babies being raped.

We want stronger laws protecting women and men from Domestic Violence. I worked in Domestic Violence in two states for over 25 years. A women does not have to live in fear. No one has the right to verbally abuse you. No one has the right to hit, slap, punch, kick, break your jaw, threaten your life or the lives of your children. There are shelters and helplines in almost every town and in every state. Call your local police for telephone numbers to receive shelter, food, counseling, legal assistance, moral support and caring attention.
At the shelter I helped to start we had a slogan, “You can’t beat a Woman.”

We want equal pay for equal work. Women who are doing the same job as a man are currently earning $.77 for every dollar a man earns. In the 1970’s, it was $.64 for every dollar a man earned. Yes, it is an improvement but a pathetic one.

Women want the world to know that women’s work counts. If a woman chooses to stay at home with her children she is just as worthy as a woman who goes out of the home to work. And if we go out to work, our work is as meaningful as a man’s work.

Women do not want to be viewed as second class citizens. We don’t want how we look, what size we wear, or how much plastic surgery we’ve had to matter more than our character, morals and intelligence.

We want the women in every country of the world to be free from honor killings, being sold into sexual slavery, from genital mutilation. We want every child, boy or girl in the world to be able to learn to read and write and to receive the medical care they require.

We want American insurance companies not to put caps on the health costs of human beings. We want every man, women, and child to receive the medical care and medication they need, even if they aren’t in the 1%. We want insurance companies to be forced not to tell doctors what medications they can prescribe and what treatments they can order.

We want the bullying that children are suffering at the hands of classmates to end. We want schools to be free of violence and hatred. Every time a child commits suicide due to bullying, we as a society, have failed them. Our hands are also bloody.

We want people to be able to love whomever they love. Love comes from the soul and souls don’t have gender. Souls just love and that love is no less beautiful than any other.

Please feel free to add things that I have not mentioned. I am happy to have your feedback. We need to create a better life for all women on this planet. If you don’t know much about feminism and would like more information, I suggest reading, Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique, Gloria Steinem. Revolution from Within, Robin Morgan, The Burning Times. I also suggest Lenore Walker and Alice Walker, Marge Piercy and Toni Morrison.

Alice Walker, author and feminist

September 4, 2012 by IdealisticRebel

The Work to be Done

The language of the eyes is tears.

While I am celebrating Labor Day and it’s often forgotten beginnings, I am also looking at what is happening around the world and here to women. There are honor killings, little girls are being sold for their bodies, rape is on the rise in America as well as most other countries. Abuse is rising and I mean physical as well as emotional abuse. Women and children are dying due to Domestic Violence. Children are being molested every day. Sex offenders are being trusted to register. Not any help to the person they kidnap and molest. There are people who are kidnapping our young teens and selling them for their bodies and they are left to rot in brothels all around the world.

My point is that while we have to have positive thoughts, meditate, pray and work for peace in this world, we also have to fight to stop the treatment that women and children are experiencing here in America and around the world.

This is not a time to be silent. It is not a time to conform. This is a time to reach out a hand and help. It is time to volunteer for a shelter, a time to donate to a children’s after-school program. It is time to tell your friend that you can’t agree with her opinions. She is welcome to them but you don’t share them.

It is a time to remember the example of Martin Luther King Sr., Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela, John F. Kennedy, Ghandi and Rosa Parks. It is time to speak up, stand tall with dignity and remember that passive resistance freed India from being a British colony to being a country in its own right.

Positive change takes energy, passion, love, and determination. We are all capable of change and we have changed things before, it is time to do it again.

Write to your Congress people and Senators, on the state as well as the national level. Look in your communities for shelters, Rape Crisis, Planned Parenthood or youth groups. Look at what they need and find what you can do to help and make a change. We all must work to make this a better world. There are millions of women and children who need our help and need us to care.

July 3, 2012 by IdealisticRebel

A Garden of Her Own

I confess the title is a twist on Virginia Woolf’s A Room of Her Own. However, times have changed a lot since the days when Woolf was writing. In Woolf’s time, there was still the concept of a woman having a room where she took care of no one else and could peruse the few things in life considered appropriate for young ladies and women. It as also a world where we were wearing corsets and breathing was a skill and swooning was the inability of the lungs to acquire the proper amount of oxygen. This also made physical exercise beyond a sedate walk quite an impossibility. So times have changed and we have changed.

The media has, of course, changed much of what happened in the 1970’s. A time came when we, who were feminists were called FemiNazis because we were expected to line up and get in our places. Being a feminist became something that some no longer wanted to admit. We had made a difference, so it was no big deal. Many people spoke up that we can accomplish everything we needed as women.

It is now the twenty-first century. With the signing of President Obama’s equal pay law, women now will make $0.77 for every dollar a man makes for equal work. In the 1970”’s, we made $0.67 for every dollar a man made.

We worked to give women choices in the 1970’s. Many women stayed home with the children then. Many thought they were slowly losing their minds. A book called The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan came out and changed the prospects of American women. It was, for me an” aha! ” moment. Women were capable and many wanted choices. To stay home with your children, to go into the workplace, or to do both. Over the years, big business has made it almost an impossibility not to have two family incomes. So we don’t really now have the choices we worked for.

The grassroots movement against Domestic Violence began in the 1970’s and many women were able to seek legal recourse, to receive counseling, have a support system that let her start again where she and her children would be safe. We used educational programs and training for educating local police departments on how to safely answer a Domestic Violence call. Historically, more officers are injured answering a Domestic call that any other type of call.
In the twenty-first century, Domestic Violence is on the rise. FBI stats document this fact. Young women don’t understand Domestic Violence and don’t realize that when they are pushed, shoved, kicked, slapped, humiliated or even called demeaning names they are victims of Domestic Violence.

We are once again fighting for the ability to control our own bodies. They are after all, ours. We and our bodies have become a pawn in national politics and this fact is so distressing. Congress wants to be able to tell us when we can go to a doctor and when we can have procedures. They even want to be able to tell us when to have procedures.

So, we all need a room or a garden of our own. I think of my daughters and I know that they are not wearing corsets but between the demands of running a home, having a career (for those who have chosen this path), and children and husbands, they need some space for themselves. I believe that we all need the room and a garden of one’s own can be a fragrant, colorful, non-political place to breathe, be true to yourself, make decisions, and give hurried, pressured lives a time of rest and relaxation. I encourage you to try it. It also is a soothing balm for the soul.

Photography by Barbara Mattio