Save the Children with Books!



Waterstones has launched an industry-wide campaign to raise £1m by urging people to “Buy Books for Syria”.

In an unprecedented step, the industry’s top publishers from Penguin Random House, HarperCollins, Hachette and Simon & Schuster to indies such as Profile Books and Canongate are donating titles from big name authors such as David Walliams, Neil Gaiman, Victoria Hislop and Ali Smith for Waterstones to sell through their stores under the ‘Buy Books for Syria’ banner, with 100% of the retail price going towards Oxfam’s Syria Crisis Appeal.

The charity promotion will begin on Thursday (1st October) with titles displayed on tables front of store in Waterstones’ 280 shops, stickered with the ‘Buy Books for Syria’ name.

The offerings will include both frontlist and backlist titles from a vast array of authors including Mary Beard, Alan Bennett, Michael Bond, William Boyd, Bill Bryson, Tracy Chevalier, Lee Child and Julia Donaldson.

The company’s m.d, James Daunt, is committed to launching the appeal despite it being the industry’s most crucial time of the year in the run up to Christmas.

He said: “In desperate times like these, everyone feels the need to do something, to help in some way. We are doing what we do best: bookselling, and it only feels right that every single penny of each book sold will go straight to Oxfam. We are proud to be able transform the generosity of authors and publishers into such a substantial contribution to Oxfam’s work.”

He told The Bookseller that “some-perhaps most” of the sales would substitute “sales upon which otherwise we would be earning money” in the run up to Christmas but added that the company was “very fortunate to have an owner and board who have put this to one side and supported the initiative.” Waterstones is owned by Russian oligarch Alexander Mamut.

Tom Weldon, c.e.o of Penguin Random House UK, added: “We often speak as an industry about the power of books to change lives – our aim with this campaign is to use the power of books to save lives. I’m humbled by the way publishers and authors are collaborating to support Waterstones and Oxfam in this initiative. I hope that together we can make a difference.”

The original idea for the campaign came from Profile editor Mark Ellingham. The titles in the appeal include Karen Joy Fowler’s We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves (Profile), War Horse by Michael Morpurgo (Egmont), Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie (Vintage), One Day by David Nicholls (Hodder), The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (Bloomsbury) and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (Quercus/MacLehose), among others. Publishers have provided between 1,000 and 2,000 copies of all the titles to be sold for the appeal.

Support from UK publishers includes Atlantic Books, Bloomsbury, Canongate, Egmont, Faber, Granta, Hachette, HarperCollins, Pan Macmillan, Penguin Random House UK, Profile, Scholastic, Simon & Schuster and Usborne.

Other authors involved in the appeal include Mark Haddon, Matt Haig, Robert Harris, Khaled Hosseini, Max Hastings, Marian Keyes, Linda La Plante, Andrea Levy, Hilary Mantel, Peter May, Alexander McCall Smith, Caitlin Moran, Michael Morpugo, JoJo Moyes, David Nicholls, Ian Rankin, Tom Rob Smith, Salman Rushdie and Jacqueline Wilson.

Nicholls said: “This is a wonderful initiative, turning our passion for the written word into practical help at a time of terrible crisis.”

Smith added: “I support this initiative with heart, mind and soul.”

Mark Goldring, c.e.o of Oxfam, said the £1m of raised would help its program of delivering clean water to another 150,000 people in Syria, or providing support to tens of thousands of people in Jordan over the next year. “This help is urgently needed as the conflict in Syria shows no sign of ending,” he said.

Earlier in the month, authors and publishers lead by Patrick Ness helped to raise over £600,000 for Save the Children’s refugee appeal by pledging to match donations from members of the public.

Helping those in the refugee camps is important. There have not been this many refugees in Europe since WWII. Hey, Rock world, how about a benefit concert? Let’s all come up with ideas to help these poor people who have lost everything. They are our brothers and sisters. This is one world and we all share it.



Religion: The View from the Coming Generation

I found this video on, and found it fascinating to see what was, to me, a different view of religion being expressed by children.

These children are Indian and Pakistani, but I wonder how different the views of American, British or European children would really be.

I’m sharing this post with you because we need to listen to the children, because, right now, they are pure and uncorrupted; and because we need to realize how the division between us brings about hatred and, often, wars.


I really would love to hear your comments on this one.  I think the opinions of these children is worth a good, honest discussion between us, the people who care about peace in the world.









You Have to Be Carefully Taught

My youngest grandson is 5 years old, and in pre-school.  He has lived his entire life in conservative areas, first in Arkansas, now in Oklahoma.  I talked to his mother today, and she told me that when he came home from school today, the following conversation took place:

“Mom, Mr. Obama is our President, did you know that?”

“Yes, honey, I did know that.  Did you know that he’s our First President of Color?”

“No, mommy!  He’s not the First President!  And he’s not the President for Color, he’s the President of All of Us!”

A 5-year-old can get that, but Congress, or at least many Republicans, apparently can’t.

Obama is the first President of Color, but to the youngest generation, that doesn’t matter.  What matters is:  He’s President of America.  Period.

Color is irrelevant, at my grandson’s age, because at 5, he has not been taught to hate people who look differently than he does, or who worship differently than he does, or who worship not at all.  At 5, we’re all just People.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Just People.

Think of what a wonderful world it could be, if he were never taught that all people whose skin has a different hue are dangerous or stupid or lazy or out to get him in some undefined way.  Think of what a wonderful world it could be, if he were never taught that his God hates the way other people worship the same God and that they will be punished for believing differently.  Think of what a wonderful world it could be, if he were never taught that all people in foreign lands, or whose parents or grandparents come from foreign lands, want to destroy our country, or hurt his family.

What would the world be like if we never taught our children to hate, or to fear or to be intolerant and prejudiced?  Can you imagine such a world?

It’s hard, looking at the news and beheadings and bombings and riots and protests, to imagine a world without hatred being taught to children.

But I, for one, think it’s worth trying.


Let us teach all children that they are beautiful and intelligent. Let us teach them that they have good ideas. Let’s not discourage them from having friends who are different. Let us live in such a way that they will have good role models. Let us stop Nazi imitators and the KKK. Let us punish them for every crime they commit.


Let us teach that every color in the woods, the beach, in our gardens, or in our skin, is there because of the way light rays bend. Let’s show them that there is beautiful color everywhere in the world. No color is more important than another and no color is to ever be hated.


If you really stop and think about it, what color is Divinity? Caucasian, black, brown, asian, or a blending of colors like my paint palette? What if Your God and or mine has no color? What if God, Divinity is pure energy and is colorless?


What a person is and how they live their lives is what is really important. Good people are not Caucasian, partly good are not Asian and Black people are not bad people.


Black lives matter, Hispanic lives matter, Jewish lives matter, Indian lives matter, Indigenous lives matter, Caucasian lives matter, Middle Eastern lives matter.



Namaste, Barbara





artist pallette

My artist pallette. This is how life looks to me.MultipleRacesChildren

Gun violence in America

5-year-old boy finds gun, shoots baby brother in head

The Slow Accumulation of Evidence






I have had much to say about the shoot down of Malaysian Flight 17.  The media is telling us a lot and some may not be true. Some things may be exaggerated or twisted up. There are some things I am certain of. This shoot down of a civilian plane is an act of war. Pure and simple. Nothing anyone says can change that fact. There were eighty children and 3 infants killed. How do parents and grandparents deal with this senseless loss? A hole has been punched into the family of man. I can only imagine what they must be enduring. I personally can’t see how they can survive this loss.


Only by a careful search of the crime scene will we ever have answers. But we have been told that people have been looting and removing items from the scene. A souvenir, really? That is what matters to these people? That is so sick and so wrong. There is no way to excuse this behavior. War is killing innocent children here and in the war between the Palestinians and the Israelites. War is no answer. War is only going to bring more hatred and violence. Thousands of years have passed and human beings have still not learned to live in peace. This is shameful.




stopkillingchildren                                                                                      Innocent people are killed in war…guns are being shot. Missiles bring down 

                                                                                      planes. Why? War? 


The other thing which disturbs me is that bodies are still lying on the ground. They are beginning to decompose and valuables are being taken. The Ukraine is not in charge of the land that the plane was shot down in. No one is in charge. No one is guaranteeing the dignity of the victims. This is unacceptable. Their souls have left but the families deserve to be able to bury their dead loved ones. Each corpse deserves to be treated with respect and sacredness. It doesn’t matter what their nationality or religion is. The people at the site need to treat these dead as they would their own loved ones.


“O Thou, the Cause and Effect of the whole Universe, the Source from whence we have come and the Goal towards which all are bound: receive these souls who are coming to Thee into Thy parental arms. May Thy forgiving Glance heal their hearts. Lift them from the denseness of the earth, surround them with the light of Thine own Spirit, Raise them up to Heaven, which is their true dwelling place. We pray Thee grant them the blessing of Thy most exalted Presence. May their lives upon earth become as a dream to their waking soul, and let their thirsting eyes behold the glorious Vision of Thy Sunshine. Amen.

—Hazarat Inayat Khan



In Memoriam to the passengers of Flight 17 Photographed and copyrighted by Barbara Mattio 2014

In Memoriam to the passengers of Flight 17 Photographed and copyrighted by Barbara Mattio 2014

Children and Family Services

In America, we all know that each state has a foster system set up to protect children from homes where they are battered, molested or neglected. There are many single parents in our society and that is an added stressor for the parent. If the parent has medical or mental health issues, that can make the ability to take care of one of more children more difficult. I am sure that many of you are shaking your head in agreement.


With the crash of 2008, many people lost there jobs and their health insurance. They also struggled to keep a roof over the family’s heads and food on the table. Now being a single mom is not a picnic and children need to be protected. Being a single dad or mom is a full time job. They need support such as family members, care givers, teachers, pediatricians and many others.


I have a story about a hard working young mother who had a hypersensitive toddler. She had a babysitter who would stay with her little one while she was at work. One day the little girl got so out of control, the sitter called the police. She was placed in a special needs day care and it was supposed to help. She tore the place apart and they no longer wanted her. Her behavior was too alienating for the staff. She was finally diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder and a mood disorder.


The mother called government agencies asking for help. The state’s Community Services Board sent a therapist for counseling sessions and provided a mentor. Things began to look up. Cuts to the state’s budget began to affect services which cut some of the services that had been helping this family.  The little girl grew and kept getting better. One day she  had what I call a meltdown. They had run out of her favorite candy at day care,  The  mom had to chase her and became short of breath. She asked a friend to watch her little one and went to the hospital. The hospital diagnosed her with pneumonia.


That night, she was talking to the nurse on duty and confessed that she was overwhelmed by her daughter’s hyperactivity. She stated she didn’t know exactly what she was going to do. The nurse apparently in the mom’s opinion took it  “overboard.”  The staff called Child Protective Services on her.


Right now, there are 58,000 children living in faster care in America who are legal orphans. These are children who have had their parental rights terminated by the courts. Most of the approximate 400,000 children who end up in the system are there because of parental neglect. Many cases are connected to poverty and a lack of community and government support.


In our case, the mom asked for the little girl to be sent to her father in Texas until she got some help and back on her feet again. The father could not control the little girl and she ended up in the Texas foster system. The state of Texas sent the mom a letter asking her to come to Texas for a hearing. She didn’t have the money for the airplane ticket. She would have had to fly from Virginia to Texas.  So she did not go. The next communication she received from Texas was a letter stating that her parental rights had been terminated.


Once children are in the foster care system, it is difficult for families to reunite.At least 15% of children in the system live in institutions or group homes.  Most of the children in the foster care system  suffer from emotional distress. Nearly one half of them have chronic health issues.


In general, federal law requires authorities to begin proceedings to terminate parental rights within fifteen months of a child entering the foster care system.

Once rights are terminated, the children become stuck in temporary homes and other temporary situations. Some of these children will eventually be adopted. As many as 40% of children age out of the system. In other words, they stay there until they are eighteen and then they are on their own. 60% of children who enter the system as teens, are never adopted. And again age out at eighteen.


Once in foster care, most families are placed in a binary system: Parents and children must reunite  completely, or be separated permanently.Children with a troubled or an unsafe home life may indeed need a separation from parents. But they still can need the parent sometimes. These parents may be the only stability in a foster child’s life.


Now, at least sixteen states have provisions for reinstating parental rights, but it rarely happens The family courts are trying to get more leeway for children and their birth parents. Reinstatement of parental rights is not on the menu right now. The states are promoting a Temporary Termination of Rights so that a parent can get treatment, health care or find a new job and then have their children back.


Another problem is that about 23% of children in foster care are placed with relatives in what is called kinship foster care, often with grandparents. These grandparents are often retired and on a fixed budget. Only 4 states guarantee that guardians receive the same amount of funding provided to foster parents. 20% of states still provide no subsidized guardianship  funding at all. So if Grandma is taking care of the children for awhile, she gets no money to dress or feed them. This is a huge societal gap which needs to be addressed.


Parenthood is the most important thing we do in this life and we never receive instruction. Parents wing it and hope for the best. Children need to receive better than this if they are going to grow up as mentally healthy members of society.

I thought that it was time that we looked at our Foster Care system here in America and began to think about ways to improve it, and make it actually helpful to children, instead of a place where more harm can occur.  I’m interested in your constructive feedback, and starting a discussion.  Please don’t hesitate to share your own experiences — the more we all know, the better the chance that a solution can be found.











littlegirllittlegirl2littleboy3 littleboy

As the 99% Grows Older

This year, 2014 is going to be remembered for many tragedies. Not as big as 9-11 or the crash of 2008. It will be marked by millions of tragedies marked as insignificant. Our government leaders mark them as insignificant. The people who are homeless, hungry, fallen off the employment-goround, are disabled or who at one time had a good job and now have nothing left, are fallen through the cracks on a daily, nay hourly basis.


I love all of our wild animals. I am allergic to all animals and birds. Fish are the exception. If you were to take the blinders off and really look around, you would see millions of starving American citizens. Many of these starving citizens are children.  My point being, that we seem to care more about stray dogs and cats than we do starving children. In many states, children do receive free lunches at school which is a help. Have you ever tried to eat one meal a day and grow and learn and receive good grades? In some states, some children also receive a free breakfast. When was the last time that a child came home from school and wasn’t starving?  Even though dinner will be given to them in a couple of hours.


When our poor children come home from school, there is often no food or perhaps some  oatmeal.  Did they learn at school that day? Well, actually not. Because their stomachs were rumbling, they couldn’t focus because they were hungry, and sad and their minds ramble around in their heads because they want more food, or sleep. Domestic Violence often keeps millions of children awake because of screaming and crying. Or they may have been dragged to the Emergency Room so Mom can receive treatment.



In our society, children go hungry

In our society, children go hungry. Who else goes hungry? The elderly. Since the 2008 crash, rents climb every year because many could no longer afford to stay in their homes. Gas prices are very high.  Food prices are through the roof. So our seniors living on a fixed income or disability need to cut back and then back some more. And these are former professional people, former teachers, firemen and former police officers. The ones who risk their lives every day and chose to give back to the world. Now they have a fixed income and can’t afford many of their medications, can’t afford to buy healthy food because it costs more. They eat less vegetables and fruits. They don’t go anywhere, because they don”t have the money to spend for even a simple movie.

The young and the elderly are the two groups in America who suffer the most. They are the ones we look away from. They are a reminder of what the GOP, the Grand Old Party have done to the Americans who were not born into or worked their way into the 1%. Rich Philanthropists give away millions everyday and some of it might even go the the people who need it. Much of it goes to organizations and their executives and not to the homeless and hungry.


The GOP would have us believe that in this country, if you aren’nt rich, you are a slacker, a lazy bum. Our children coming home from war, who have risked their lives and come back to American soil physically and mentally and emotionally injured and scared are overlooked as well. We don’t want to see them because their suffering reminds us that we sent them to other countries to fight in wars.


What can be done? Well, we can get out and vote. Not just in Presidential elections, but in all elections. We can take off the blinders and see who is suffering around us and act. Write to your Congressmen and Senators. Go to your poling place and vote in November for the candidates who care about the less fortunate. Democrats this means you too. We often don’t vote in the middle elections. We vote in the Presidential elections. We need to keep in place the Congress in our states and in Washington and in our states who care that the man living in the old run down house down the block is slowly starving to death. The Death Certificate will say “natural causes” and I say that we as a society killed him. The hungry child isn’t going to learn enough to improve his/her position in life. They will probably quit high school to find a minimum wage job to try to augment the family income. They may meet some other young people who are in a gang and really realize how little they have and how much others have. Then bitterness, anger and resentment begin to grow in their hearts. Gangs provide not only violence, drugs, prostitution and death, they provide people who care. Gangs use the term “homey” because the largest segment of society do not care about them and see them as a liability. We must change things here in America. Not just for the 1% but also for the 99%. The guy who chose to be a cop instead of a professional football player isn’t worth less because all he did was to save lives and risk his everyday.


So, I ask you to vote in our election later this year. Vote for the people who are decent and caring. Turn your back on the political machine that manipulates what happens to the people who live in our country. Vote for the women and men who are not dirty and don’t see politics as a way for them to get rich and to have the power they crave. Vote for the fairly rare politician who cares about the kids and the elderly. Remember we will all be elderly one day; how sad if your votes will leave you hungry or without being able to afford your meds. How sad if you can’t go and visit your grandchildren because the money for a plane ticket is more than the cost of feeding yourself for six months.



Vote this year to give everyone that opportunity

Vote this year to give everyone that opportunity


Woman Becoming


Women were best known by their homemaking skills and cooking skills. Because of the feminists in the last wave of women’s rights, women can now choose what they want to be in life. Women can choose to be just about anything. They are in the military, in the tech sector, they are doctors and engineers. Back in the day, you could be a secretary, nurse or teacher. I have three daughters of whom I am very proud. They know it isn’t easy to be a woman and to take care of themselves and give to their children and husbands. One has three children, teaches special ed and just got her Master’s Degree. She is thinking about getting another degree to be able to teach blind children in schools but also in other institutions. When she finished her Master’s Degree, she made me promise not to let her go back again, and she has relieved me of that promise. We laughed together as we talked about how my promise only lasted for fifteen months. My second daughter, has a good job working in an organization that promotes business in her city. She is also married and has twin sons. She travels often for her job and must weigh all the facets of her life and she takes tennis lessons for herself. My youngest daughter is a stay at home mother. She does have a catering business and is able to balance the three youngest grandchildren. I will admit she has the best laid out kitchen I have ever seen. It is not the most expensive kitchen but working in it is a dream. I am telling you these things because they are women I know the best. They didn’t reach this balance easily or quickly. But they have created the type of lives that fits them. It took work to accomplish all of this but they are young women I am proud of.


“But every contradiction

Has the condition of resolving

Itself through the process

Through the process of

Becoming, becoming, becoming,

Becoming, BECOMING!”

—-Megan Terry, Approaching Simone


Women writers have shown that their characters may transcend social roles to become fully human beings who respond with joy and anguish.  They share their experiences as women to show their commonality with that of other women, and through their writing they validate the experiences of all women. Such writing helps women readers overcome their feelings of isolation and encourages them to stop internalizing their failures as purely individual. It promotes sisterhood, and it offers male readers a basis for comparing their experience. Other writers concentrate on frank explorations of the “problem that has no name,” Betty Friedan’s words for women’s unease about their socially imposed roles. Many writers are rewriting old myths from a feminine perspective. Feminists emphasize process more than achievement. Women are seen finding ways to be self-creators, distinguishing between themselves as objects of others’ perceptions and as perceiving, imagining individuals capable of making their worlds. Women have come to realize that education is vital for all women. It doesn’t mean that they must work outside the home, but young women are learning that education only gives a woman more choices.

The equal rights ammendment must pass this year...2013

The equal rights amendment must pass this year..

“Relearn the alphabet,

relearn the world, the world

understood anew only in doing,

understood only as

looked-up-into out of earth,

the heart of an eye looking,

the heart of a root

planted in earth.

Transmutation is not

under the will’s rule.”

—Denise Levertov’s Relearning the Alphabet (1970 )

womensopinion                                                                                                                                                     Women are people too!

Today, we hear a lot of people talking about man caves. A place where they can be privately in touch with themselves. Feminists understand this need and though they are willing to share space with a man, she too needs her own space in which she can continue to make herself “at home.” Though this may seem selfish, it is clearly  a vital need of all human beings. I recommend that you read  A Room of Her Own, by Virginia Woolf. There are many misconceptions about equality between women and men. Women do not want to raise up women and be over men. Equality is not something that allows one gender to rule over the other. It creates a society where both genders do what is right for themselves, their families, their communities and each other. Many women are looking inward to find themselves and are being rewarded with the joy of self-discovery.

womenathletes                                                                                                                  Women are capable of being great athletes

Women need to be able at last to live within, and not to move to the rhythm of others. Women deserve, all around the world, to live they choose, and not a life they are forced to live. Many women’s lives continue to deny, remove, isolate, taking the children one by one. They live now as then in their own solitude. In this solitude women win a reconciled peace. But women deserve more than a reconciled peace. Women need to grow, to discover themselves or to become all that we are meant to be. Everything. No longer tied to husband, children and the house. Women have much to contribute. Women have much they want to contribute. And women have much they will give no matter who stands in the way. Women in countries around the world, despite cultural and religious differences are strong emotionally. They want educations and to contribute to their communities.


Unlearning to Not Speak

“Blizzards of paper

in slow motion

sift through her ,

In nightmares she suddenly recalls

a class she signed up for

but forgot to attend.

Now it is too late.

Now it is time for finals:

losers will be shot.

Phrases of men who lectured her

drift and rustle in piles:

Why don’t you speak up?

Why are you shouting?

You have the wrong answer,

wrong line, wrong face.

They tell her she is womb-man,

babymachine, mirror image, toy.

each mother and penis-poor,

a dish of synthetic strawberry icecream

rapidly melting.”

—Marge Piercy, a feminist author of novels and poetry



Choices For Women

Equality. This is what all of life should be...equal

Equality. This is what all of life should be…equal

We live in in a patriarchal culture. What this means is that white men rule in a world where they feel they are the most important part. I would like to tell you today about some feminist women.

The first was a feminist woman named Adrienne Rich, lawyer, mother, feminist, author and an example of the fullness of life that women can have when they are liberated, free to make choices for themselves. She was a white, educated woman who lived in the late fifties and who had to plead and argue for sterilization after choosing to bear three children. This is something I also experienced in 1972, having to plead to be allowed to be sterilized. Being able to plan your life includes when to have children if you want children.

Another feminist, Margaret Sanger, wrote Motherhood in Bondage in 1928. She wrote about a women seeking birth-control advice so she could carry out her marital duties with her husband without becoming pregnant again and again. She wrote diaries in which she expressed how hard it was to be sensual and be able to give her children what they needed and not get pregnant again.

Mothers and daughters were bonded by strategy. Trying to ensure that they would not continue to have children made many women feel shame for what they wanted and were trying to accomplish. They feared losing love, home and desirability as a woman. Many women felt that their only value was for sex and procreation, which is what the patriarchal society they lived in taught.  

When Adrienne Rich realized she did not wish to have more children, she wrote to Margaret Sanger to find a way to find some modest control over the use of her body. For generations, women have asserted their courage on behalf of their own children and their husbands. Women take care of their children, then their husbands.  Then they help strangers, and finally they take care of their own needs.  That has been the role of women for millennia.

The “sacred calling”  of motherhood has had, of course, an altogether pragmatic reality. In the American  colonies an ordinary family consisted of from twelve to twenty five children. An unmarried woman was treated with reproach even if she was as young as twenty five. A woman of this “advanced age” had no way of surviving economically, and was usually compelled to board with her kin and help with the household of children. No other “calling” was open to her.

An English working woman who was a child in the 1850’s wrote that “I was my mother’s seventh child, and seven more were born after me – fourteen in all – which made my mother a perfect slave. Generally speaking the mother was either expecting a baby to be born or had one at the breast. There was a time when there were eight of us old enough to go to school, but we couldn’t get ready without help.”

Both the white pioneer mother and the black family slave worked daily as a full productive part of the economy. Black women often worked the fields with their children strapped to  their backs. Historically, women have borne and raised children while doing their share of necessary productive labor. It was just expected from them.

The mother bears the weight of Eve’s transgression ( Eve, as the first offender, the polluted one, the polluter ) yet precisely because of this, the mother is expected to carry the burden of male salvation. Women were frequently reminded of what horrible things could happen to her if she wasn’t a good mother.

This is the 21st century, and women’s choices are expanding beyond just motherhood.  Motherhood is a wonderful calling, but there can be more to a woman’s life if she so chooses.


The woman and the inner woman

The woman and the inner woman


Are You Being Abused?

End Violence in the Home

End Violence in the Home

I have found that young women have many questions about battering. They seem to lack information they need to be safe. Domestic Violence or abuse is a crime punishable by a fine and jail time. The states vary with the laws. Battering can begin at any time in a relationship. During the dating phase, after the wedding, when a woman is pregnant, or as the children grow up.

Abuse is physical, verbal or emotional. It can also be a combination of any of these. You have the right to live without fear.  Often in an abusive relationship, the abuser will begin trying to isolate the woman from friends and neighbors. He doesn’t want anyone to have influence on his woman besides him. Often he wants the women to stay home and not work. That outside contact can make controlling her more difficult. If a woman is working, she often is quiet at work. She is passive and is in the emergency room frequently. If she confides in a co-worker, she will insist that she loves and needs him. He says he loves her too. But this is not love. This is torture.

There is a cycle of violence which was identified in the seventies.

There is a cycle of violence which was identified in the seventies.

you_cant_beat_a_woman_fridge_magnet-r2f60f43b75094530ab858f2d1647231d_x7js9_8byvr_324If you can’t bring yourself to leave, then fill a go bag with items that are extremely necessary. Money, prescriptions, clothes, ID for you and the children, and what ever your children will need immediately. Hide it well. If another attack happens you will need these things to flee. If you can’t get to the go bag, just leave and go to your local shelter. Husbands do kill wives. So your safety is vital. The things he has told you about being stupid, ugly, trash, or that you want to be hit is pure BS. Don’t buy into what he says. There is nothing you can do to justify his abusing you.

National Organization of Women

National Organization of Women

The fear you live with day in and day out does not mean you deserve it or asked for it. Examples of physical abuse are: pinching, slapping,hitting, punching, burning, pushing you, twisting your arms, and you have the right to live without violence. Forced sex in a marriage is rape…spousal rape. It is also illegal. It is hard to leave because you often still love him but you need to be a good role model for your children.

Anatomy of Violence

Anatomy of Violence

Domestic Violence is learned generation after generation. Little girls learn to be victims and little boys learn to be abusers. Some boys will try to stop their fathers and will punch and kick and yell at the father to stop the violence. Even if the violence is not turned against him, he learns to disrespect women. He will statistically become an abuser.  So your children need positive role models. They need to know that you can discuss problems and work them out. Remember if your abuser kills you he may very well end up raising your children.

There is nothing wrong with you. You do not deserve to be hit, spit at, spoken to in a demeaning manner. Your city has many people who care what happens to you and your children. There is help available.

Stop the Violence

Stop the Violence

Don’t let this be you. You deserve better. If you need to go to a hospital for your injuries, tell the ER staff what really happened. They will notify the police and they will call the shelter for you. If you are being hit now, get out and you will find love again, the community will help you with housing and education. No one deserves to be beaten. It is so hard to decide about all of these things when you are being beaten frequently, but believe me you can go on to a good life. A life where you are safe and live without violence.