Let It Snow


I still am a bit under the weather, so I thought I’d give everyone an early Holiday present.

 

Enjoy a bit more fun from Avery:

 

 

 

Racial Profiling Hurts Everyone


Sometimes another perspective is vital.  This Ted Talk is from a mixed race gentleman from Toronto — it’s not just a U.S. Problem.

 

34 Years Later


JohnLennonShot

 

I’m starting to feel better, and I will be back at my desk tomorrow.  Wishing you all a great evening.

Under the weather….


IdealisticRebel is under the weather at the moment, with a bit of a  throat infection.  Nothing serious, and she’s on antibiotics, but she’s not quite up to blogging today.

 

She will be back to you all soon

 

Namaste,

The Sister.

9 Myths of Sexual Assault


9 things people believe about sexual assault that don’t make any sense

Shutterstock

With the recent wave of new rape allegations against Bill Cosby, and the controversy surrounding a Rolling Stone article alleging that a gang rape at a University of Virginia fraternity house went unpunished, sexual assault has been in the headlines more than usual.

Unfortunately, the reinvigorated conversation around the topic has included a lot of stubborn assumptions about rape and harmful stereotypes about victims.

These misconceptions perpetuate a culture in which sexual assault too often goes unreported and perpetrators go unpunished. Here are nine of the most common myths about sexual assault*, and why they’re simply not true.

Myth #1: You can’t trust rape allegations because they’re so often false

There’s some debate about this, but it’s generally estimated that between two and 10 percent of rape allegations are false, according to various studies and interpretations of FBI data — not a very high percentage, and certainly not high enough to support the widespread skepticism that tends to surround rape allegations. The exact percentage of false allegations is hard to pin down because there’s so much debate about how exactly to determine which reports are false.

But really, even if the number were much higher, it wouldn’t provide a good basis for the assumption that any individual victim was lying about her experience. After all, people have lied about having their cars stolen plenty of times, but this doesn’t lead us to question everyone who makes this claim.

The bottom line is that it makes sense to approach individual rape allegations based on their particular facts, not assumptions about what typically happens that could discourage rape victims from reporting the crime.

In one 2010 study, researchers at the University of Massachusetts, Boston, and Northeastern University found that out of 136 cases of sexual assault reported to university over a 10-year period, eight were coded as false.

In a 2010 study from Massachusetts researchers, eight out of 136 cases of sexual assault reported to a Northeastern university over a 10-year period were coded as false. (Jody Sieradzki / Dadaviz)

In a 2010 study from Massachusetts researchers, eight out of 136 cases of sexual assault reported to a Northeastern university over a 10-year period were coded as false. (Jody Sieradzki / Dadaviz)

“The stereotype that false rape allegations are a common occurrence, a widely held misconception in broad swaths of society, including among police officers, has very direct and concrete consequences,” the authors wrote. “It contributes to the enormous problem of underreporting by victims of rape and sexual abuse.”

Myth #2:  Sexual assault happens because of the way women dress

There’s a widely held belief that a good strategy for people — especially women — to avoid sexual assault is to wear clothes that will make them less sexually attractive to potential attackers. For example, conservative radio host Laura Ingraham has suggested that encouraging girls to forgo “immodest” clothing could help to avoid rape.

EXPERTS SAY SEXUAL ASSAULT STEMS FROM A PERSON’S DETERMINATION TO EXERCISE POWER OVER SOMEONE ELSE

But it’s absurd to think that style of dress would ever invite or excuse a crime (Is a man with an expensive watch asking to be robbed? No.)

Experts say sexual assault stems from a person’s determination to exercise power over someone else, not from being uncontrollably aroused by their victim’s appearance. Plus, most of the time, it’s planned in advance, a fact that pokes another hole in the theory that attackers simply see provocative clothing and are unable to control themselves.

Last March, women on Twitter challenged this myth by describing the clothes they were wearing when they were sexual assaulted — jeans, t-shirts, kids’ pajamas, sweats, school uniforms, etc. — to make a statement about the absurdity of blaming victims’ clothing for their attacks. The only meaningful risk factor is the presence and conduct of a rapist or sexual predator.

Myth #3: Sexual assault happens when someone is uncontrollably aroused

Underscoring the point above — that women can’t prevent rape with their style of dress — is this: sexual assault is an act of physical violence and domination, not a “crime of passion” that is motivated by sexual attraction. We know that rape is a crime of violence using sex, not a crime that is primarily motivated by sexual desire, and that most perpetrators of sexual assault have access to sex with someone other than their victim.

THIS IS PRETTY BASIC: ALMOST EVERYONE HAS SEXUAL DESIRES, AND NOT EVERYONE COMMITS SEXUAL ASSAULT

This is pretty basic: almost everyone has sexual desires, and not everyone commits sexual assault. Neither men nor women physically need to have sex after becoming sexually excited. We’re all very much able to control ourselves after becoming aroused, if we choose to do so. Belief in this myth can lead us to blame the victim and not hold the rapist accountable for his or her actions.

Myth #4: It’s not rape if you’ve dated or had consensual sex before

It’s not unusual at all for a victim and attacker to have had a previous relationship. Scrutiny of what the victim did before the alleged rapeplaces the responsibility of the offender’s actions with the victim and takes the focus off of whether she consented to the sexual activity that’s in question.

So whether a victim went to her attacker’s home or dorm room, or whether she previously consented to or engaged in some sexual activity, does not tell us anything about what happened in the moment she said she was assaulted. Consent to sex is something that can be given at one time, and withheld at another. No matter what the relationship, or what happened before, sexual activity forced upon another without consent is sexual assault.

Myth #5: Real sexual assault victims go to the police right away

This belief is dangerous because it creates skepticism about claims of victims if they’re not voiced immediately after the alleged assaults. But it’s not true that most victims contact law enforcement, and it’s even less true that they do so immediately after being attacked.

According to the Department of Justice, it’s estimated that a full 60 percent of sexual assaults go unreported. There are plenty of good reasons a sexual assault victim might hesitate to go to the police: the stress of talking to a stranger about a traumatic experience, doubt that the accuser will be held accountable, anxiety about participating in a trial and having to face an attacker, not knowing that the incident qualified as sexual assault, misplaced shame — and of course, concerns about not being believed. A person’s choice not to report an assault, or not to report it immediately, can mean a lot of things. What it definitely doesn’t mean is that the assault didn’t happen.

Myth #6: Rape is easy to avoid if you stay away from dangerous places and suspicious strangers

There’s a myth that most sexual assaults occur at the hands of deranged men who attack women they don’t know. This idea is perpetuated because stranger assault is more widely reported in the media and to the police than assault that occurs between people who know each other.  But rape and sexual assault can occur at any time, any place, to anyone, and by anyone.

RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT CAN OCCUR AT ANY TIME, ANY PLACE, TO ANYONE, AND BY ANYONE.

According to a report based on FBI data, almost 70 percent of sexual assaults reported to law enforcement occurred in the home of the victim, the offender, or another person. Sexual assault can be committed within any type of relationship, including in marriage, in dating relationships, or by friends, acquaintances or co-workers. Sexual assault can occur in heterosexual or same-gender relationships. It does not matter whether there is a current or past relationship between the victim and offender; unwanted sexual activity is still sexual assault and is a serious crime. So the idea that avoiding sexual assault is matter of avoiding strangers who jump out from behind bushes in high-crime areas simply doesn’t hold up.

Myth #7: If a person doesn’t fight back physically, she wasn’t really raped

The FBI recently broadened its definition of rape to ditch the word “forcible,” reflecting the modern understanding that sexual assault doesn’t always involve a victim who was physically overpowered by her attacker. Unfortunately, some people still believe that women who really don’t want to be raped use all of their strength and self-defense skills to stop their attackers.

CNN’s Don Lemon seemed to endorse this view recently when he said to Joan Tarshis, a woman who said she was raped by Bill Cosby in 1969, “You know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you don’t want to do it,” suggesting that she should have used her teeth as a weapon. This “if you really didn’t want it, why didn’t you fight back harder?” position ignores that there are actually many ways that rape can occur, and many reasons it might be imprudent or impossible for a victim to attempt to physically overpower her attacker. An attacker might threaten his victim with a weapon or with other consequences if she doesn’t submit.

This type of submission — often done for survival — is not the same as consent. In fact, studies have shown that women who fight back aremore likely to be seriously injured by their attacker.

SUBMISSION — OFTEN DONE FOR SURVIVAL — IS NOT THE SAME AS CONSENT.

In addition, in cases like Tarshis’ account of what happened between her and Cosby (which he’s denied, along with the rest of the rape allegations against him), the victim might be under the influence of drugs or alcohol and physically unable to resist. Relatedly, there is no “right way” to react after a sexual assault. Sexual violenceexhibits a spectrum of responsesto the assault. They might be calm, withdrawn, hysterical, angry, apathetic, in denial, or in shock — just like victims of any other crime. In fact, their reactions may be even more complicated because of attitudes toward sexual assault that make them feel particularly traumatized or ashamed.

Myth #8: Only women can be victims of sexual violence.

In another myth that’s fueled by media portrayals, many people imagine that rape is only committed by straight men, against straight women.  But sexual assault is not defined by the gender of the perpetrator or the person who is victimized. In fact, this is another clarification made by the FBI’s recently updated definition of rape, which now has no mention of gender.

It is true that in the majority of cases of reported rape, the victims are women. In fact women are 10 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault than men. Still, it is estimated that about one in thirty-three men have experienced attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.

It’s also possible for women to rape men. “Often, male survivors may be less likely to identify what happened to them as abuse or assault because of the general notion that men always want sex,” said Jennifer Marsh, the vice president for Victim Services at RAINN, an anti-sexual violence organization saId in an interview with CNN. Plus, “males have the added burden of facing a society that doesn’t believe rape can happen to them … at all,” said psychotherapist Elizabeth Donovan.

Meanwhile, some believe that rape only happens to men in prison. While this is a serious issue, it’s not the only place men are victimized. A related myth used to shame and silence male rape victims is that orgasm means coerced sexual activity was actually consensual. In fact,orgasm does not mean that someone “enjoyed” the sex, or that they wanted it. It can be a natural biological reaction that a male rape victim cannot control.

Myth #9: Sex with someone who’s too drunk or drugged to agree to it is okay

There are an incredible number of cultural references — from jokes about “roofies” to modern song lyrics about drugging women into sexual submission — that some might be confused and think it’s a normal practice for men to have sex with women who otherwise wouldn’t consent to sex, but have lowered inhibitions thanks to drugs or alcohol. Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs is not an invitation for non-consensual sexual activity.

Under many state laws, a person who is cognitively impaired due to the influence of drugs or alcohol is not able to consent to sexual activity. The act of an offender who deliberately uses alcohol as a means to subdue someone in order to engage in non-consensual sexual activity is also criminal.

A related myth is, “If you wouldn’t have been drinking, you wouldn’t have been sexually assaulted.” Consider this explanation from the University of Michigan’s Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Center: “Alcohol is a weapon that some perpetrators use to control their victim and render them helpless.  As part of their plan, an assailant may encourage the victim to use alcohol, or identify an individual who is already drunk.  Alcohol is not a cause of rape; it is only one of many tools that perpetrators use.”

ALCOHOL IS NOT A CAUSE OF RAPE; IT IS ONLY ONE OF MANY TOOLS THAT PERPETRATORS USE.

California’s new Yes Means Yes law— along with many college and university policies across the country — explicitly states that people who are under the influence of drugs and alcohol are incapable of providing the consent required for sex.

*Note: The exact definitions of “rape” and “sexual assault” differstate by state. This piece uses them interchangeably and discusses myths that apply to all unwanted sexual contact.

Colleges and schools are required to protect students from sexual assault under Title IX

Title IX is best known for the effect it had on women’s athletics because it required that colleges provide equal opportunities in sports to men and women. After it took effect, female participation in college and high school sports more than quadrupled.

But Title IX is more than that: passed in 1972 as part of a broader education law, it prohibits any discrimination in education based on sex. Schools and colleges that receive federal funding can’t deny opportunities to students based on their gender.

The Obama administration has used the statute to examine how colleges handle accusations of sexual assault. The Education Department sent a letter in 2011 reminding colleges of their responsibility to deal with allegations of sexual harassment and assault that they either know about or should reasonably know about. Since then, the department has opened investigations into more than 50 colleges for alleged mishandling of sexual assault on campus.

Many of the allegations are at high-profile elite colleges:

  • At Yale, just one student found responsible for “nonconsensual sex” in the first half of 2013 was suspended; the rest were given written reprimands or no punishment at all, the Huffington Post reported.
  • At Brown, a student found responsible for sexual violence was suspended for a year, even though that meant he and his victim would be on campus at the same time after he returned.
  • When a freshman at St. Mary’s College was sexually assaulted by a Notre Dame football player and reported the assault to Notre Dame campus police, the university didn’t begin an investigation for more than two weeks. During the delay, the student killed herself.

Colleges theoretically are at risk of losing their eligibility for federal money — a significant threat given the size of the federal student loan and grant programs — if they’re found to be in violation of Title IX . But when the Education Department has found violations of Title IX in sexual assault cases, it has reached voluntary agreements with the colleges on remedying the situation. One agreement, at Tufts University, was revoked in April 2014.

A low proportion of sexual assault victims report their experiences, meaning colleges have a hard time determining the scope of the problem. Sexual assault can have an impact on students’ academic experiences, making them more likely to skip classes or drop out. It has many other long-term effects on survivors, including increased risk of depression, substance abuse, and self-harm.

 

Pale Blue Dot


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PN5JJDh78I

 

 

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My Own Backyard


 

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Here in Cleveland, we had a 12 year old boy shot to death Sunday. He was 12 years old. He was black and 12 years old. A man called 911 and said he wasn’t sure if a gun was a toy or real. When the police arrived, they did not determine if it was a toy. It was a very realistic looking toy. They never investigated and shot Tamir in the abdomen. He died at Metro Hospital. A civil law suit has been filed against the police department.

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I am appalled that this child was killed. The police pulled up in their police car and shot Tamir. He was at the rec center with his sister and some other kids. He wasn’t a gang member, he was just playing with his toy. Now, just for the record, I would not give a child any gun. I do not believe in guns but I am in a minority in America.

 

The police need to stop being so quick to shoot young minorities. Toy guns should not look real. Cops should not shoot first and find out the facts afterwards. What if that was their child? What if their child’s blood pooled on a city sidewalk?

 

The federal government is involved in this investigation and they are not supporting the police. Please pray for the Rice family and all black American families because too many are grieving across the country.

The Sabbath of Mutual Respect


The Sabbath of Mutual Respect

Marge Piercy, Feminist author

In the natural year come two thanksgivings,

the harvest of summer and the harvest of fall,

two times when we eat and drink and remember our dead

under the golden basin of the moon of plenty

 

Abundance, Habondia, food for the winter,

too much now and survival later.  After

the plant bears, it dies into seed.

The blowing grasses nourish us, wheat

and corn and rye, millet and rice, oat

and barley and buckwheat, all the serviceable

grasses of the pasture that the cow grazes,

the lamb, the horse, the goat, the grasses

that quicken into meat and cheese and milk,

the humble necessary mute vegetable bees,

the armies of the grasses waving their

golden banners of ripe seed.

The sensual

round fruit that gleams with the sun

stored in its sweetness

The succulent

ephemera of the summer garden, bloodwarm

tomatoes, tender small squash, crisp

beans, the milky corn, the red peppers

exploding like cherry bombs in the mouth

 

We praise abundance by eating of it,

reveling in choice on a table set with roses

and lilies and phlox, zucchini and lettuce

and eggplant before the long winter

of root crops.

Fertility and choice

every row dug in spring means weeks

of labor.  Plant too much and the seedlings

choke in weeds as the warm rain soaks them.

The goddess of abundance Habondia is also

the spirit of labor and choice.

In another

life, dear sister, I too would bear six fat

children.  In another life, my sister, I too

would love another woman and raise one child

together as if that pushed from both our wombs.

In another life, sister, I too would dwell

solitary and splendid as a lighthouse on the rocks

or be born to mate for life like the faithful goose.

Praise all our choices.  Praise any woman

who chooses, and make safe her choice.

 

Habondia, Artemis, Cybele, Demeter, Ishtar,

Aphrodite, Au Set, Hecate, Themis, Lilith,

Thea, Gaia, Bridgit, The Great Grandmother of Us

All, Yemanja, Cerridwen, Freya, Corn Maiden,

Mawu, Amaterasu, Maires, Nut, Spider-Woman,

Neith, Au Zit, Hathor, Inanna, Shin Moo,

Diti, Arinna, Anath, Tiamat, Astoreth:

the names flesh out our histories, our choices,

our passions and what we will never embody

but pass by with respect.  When I consecrate

my body in the temple of our history,

when I pledge myself to remain empty

and clear for the voices coming through

I do not choose for you to lessen your choice.

 

Habondia, the real abundance, is the power

to say yes and to say no, to open

and to close, to take or to leave

and not to be taken by force or law

or fear or poverty or hunger.

To bear children or not to bear by choice

is holy.  To bear children unwanted

is to be used like a public sewer.

To be sterilized unchosen is to have

your heart cut out.  To love women

is holy and holy is the free love of men

and precious to live taking whichever comes

and precious to live unmated as a peachtree.

 

Praise the lives you did not choose.

They will heal you, tell your story, fight

for you.  You eat the bread of their labor.

You drink the wine of their joy.  I tell you

after I went under the surgeon’s knife

for the laparoscopy I felt like a trumpet

an Amazon was blowing sonorous charges on.

Then my womb learned to open on the full

moon with pain and my pleasure deepened

till my body shuddered like troubled water.

When my friend gave birth I held her in joy

as the child’s head thrust from her vagina

like the sun rising at dawn wet and red.

 

Praise our choices, sisters, for each doorway

open to us was taken by squads of fighting

women who paid years of trouble and struggle,

who paid their wombs, their sleep, their lives

that we might walk through these gates upright.

Doorways are sacred to women for we

are the doorways of life and we must choose

what comes in and what goes out.  Freedom

is our real abundance.

 

 

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Embrace your world and make it be whatever you want.

Embrace your world and make it be whatever you want.

The Harmony & Peace Award


HarmonyPeace

I created this new award to celebrate all those who promote Harmony & Peace, and who add Love & Beauty to the world through their Blogs and through their lives.  Their Positivity makes the world a better place for all of us.

Rules:

As most of you know by now, I am not big on rules, but here they are:

  1. Give this award to seven bloggers who have added Harmony & Peace, Love & Beauty and Positivity to the world you live in.
  2. Let them know that you nominated them.
  3. Acknowledge the blogger from whom you received this award
  4. Display your award on your blog, because  you have earned it!
  5. Continue to live in Harmony & Peace

The first nominees for this award:

  1. Dr. Rex
  2. Hunt4Truth
  3. Victo Dolore
  4. Al
  5. Xena
  6. Maverick
  7. Rajagopal

The Long Term Effects of Violence


We are now living in a coarse society filled with violence, intolerance and hatred. Can we live with these influences without harm to our psyche? I think not. Must we always agree? No. Can we speak our truth? Yes.

 

It is important that we as individuals talk about our issues and points of disagreement. Is there damage from a violent society? Yes. I know this because there is damage left from violence in families and homes. I worked in Domestic Violence for over two score years, and counseled at Rape Crisis. I worked as a psych nurse for years. I am going to share a story of how long the effects can last.

 

One night, I was passing meds on my forty-two-bed lock down unit. I was in the hallway when I heard crying and indistinct words. I went into the room and both patients were in their beds and no one else was there. One woman was crying and screaming. Sobbing is more accurate. I was surprised because this woman had been in a catatonic state for many years. She never spoke.

 

I walked to her bed and said her name softly. She was in the middle of a dream. She was crying and saying, ” No, stop. I won’t do it.” “Don’t let them do it.” I lowered her bed rail and climbed up into her bed. I held her in my arms and crooned that she was safe and no one would hurt her now. I gently rocked as I held her and let her cry out her pain and fear. I listened carefully and was shocked at what I heard.

 

Slowly, she stopped crying and talking. I gently placed her back on her mattress. I was the one crying now. I wiped my tears quickly away, while putting the side rail back up. She appeared to be sleeping normally now. I could still feel the warmth of her body on my arms. Her tears were on my arms also.

 

I breathed deeply and finished passing meds. I was quiet and replaying her words over and over in my head. When I was done, I locked up the med cart in the med room and went back to her room where I found her sound asleep and quiet.

 

I returned to the nurse’s desk and pulled her chart to document the incident but first I read her social history. She had been married, not a surprise. Her husband was a long distance truck driver. According to the social workers’ notes, he had physically abused her and he had made her have sex with other men while he watched.

 

I felt sick. She had had a life full of violence, humiliation and sexual abuse. I was glad that I had been outside of her room when she was having the nightmare. I am glad that I had held her and comforted her because it seemed she hadn’t had much comfort in her life. Catatonic. She was at a better place than this world had been to her.

 

Checking dates and doing the math, these horrible experiences had happened about thirty years prior. I was sure this wasn’t the first nightmare she had had. It was just the first one I had witnessed.

 

Thirty years later, there was still enough painful damage to give her nightmares. To make her cry and talk. To beg not to let the men hurt her. This is an example of the damage done to a human psyche. Damage that destroyed this woman and left her very scarred.

 

I am sharing this story because we harm each other. We cause pain and suffering. There are long lasting effects for all of us. This is why we need to think of others. We need to create love, kindness, and acceptance in this world. We need compassion, forgiveness and understanding. We need to change us and our worlds. We need to put the positive energy into the world.

 

We need to expect the positive to come to our lives. We need to accept the positive and to be grateful for it. We need to breathe, open our hearts and let all the positive goodness flow out from us into the world. It will change our lives for the better and we will not be victim to the pain.

 

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We are all part of one human family.

We are all part of one human family.

 

May Peace Prevail

May Peace Prevail

 

The parts of a happy life.

The parts of a happy life.

 

Focus on the positive

Focus on the positive