There is a cycle of violence which was identified in the seventies.

Take a close look at this Cycle of Violence. Does this pattern look like your life? Are you scared when you are home? Are you very careful of what you do when he is around? Are you afraid to ask hime questions? Are you afraid to disagree with him? Do you make the children be silent when he comes home? If you have even one yes, you are being abused. These excuses may be what you are being told, but the violence really has to do with the abuser”s need for power and control.

Do you end up in the Emergency Room often?

If you are being scratched, punched, bit, strangled or kicked then you are in a physical abusive relationship. These are not accidents. You did not make the abuser hurt you. No one has the right to hurt another person. Throwing something at you such as a phone book, a book, a shoe or plate is abuse. Pulling your hair, pulling out some of your hair, pushing and pulling you, grabbing your clothes, threatening you with a knife, box cutter, bat, mace or any other weapon means you are being victimized.

Grabbing your face to make you look at them, smacking your bottom or preventing you from leaving the house is battering. Abuse does not happen just once. No matter what he promises, he will beat you again.  Women who are brought to the emergency room with fractures and bruising are asked if they need help. Hospital employees have been trained to help you and they are also following the law.  They will ask if you have a support system. If you don’t have friends you spend time with, family you are close to, someone you can  vent to, you are abused. They want to be the only influence in your life. They don’t want people to give you advice. Isolation means you only have him and his opinions and the fear of what he will do to you.

Girls who grow up in violent homes have a larger chance to grow up and be victimized. Even as teens. Date abuse is frequently happening. You need to tell your parents or go to the police. There is nothing you can say or do that makes it ok for someone to beat you. Beating is not love. Beating is power and control. Boys who witness violence in the home are likely to become men who batter and beat their partner.

                                                                                                                                            Your boyfriend does not have the right to hit you.

Domestic Violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement costs, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at work.  In NYC, 25% of  homeless heads of households became homeless due to domestic violence. This is huge for any city to deal with.

Don’t live with Fear

You need to make a escape plan. You need to have a hidden bag filled with some clothes, some money, ID, and know where you are going to go. To a shelter, to a new city, are you going to change your name? Talk to an adult you trust, consider getting a restraining order or a Protection From Abuse Order, do not accept someone’s  abusive behavior. Physical abuse is never your fault. Emotional abuse is not your fault.

Types of abuse seen in the home.

MOST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NEVER REPORTED. CURRENT STATISTICS SHOW A WOMAN IS BEATEN EVERY ELEVEN SECONDS. YOU CAN GET OUT. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HELP YOU. IF YOU AREN’T A VICTIM, AND YOU KNOW SOMEONE THAT IS BEING ABUSED SUPPORT HER,  HELP HER GET TO A SHELTER. LET HER KNOW SHE IS NOT ALONE.