Letters to a rapist


Read The Harrowing Letters 2 Women Wrote To The Man Who Raped Them

Daniel Drill-Mellum was sentenced to 6 years in prison.

09/01/2016 04:32 pm ET | Updated 4 hours ago

THE HUFFINGTON POST
Two women who were brutally raped and assaulted by Daniel Drill-Mellum read impact statements in court.

It’s become an unfortunate trend for young, white men to serve little to no prison time for sexually assaulting a woman. Daniel Drill-Mellum is the exception.

The 22-year-old former University of Minnesota student was arrested in December 2015 for allegedly raping two women on two separate weekends in the fall of 2014.

Drill-Mellum was charged with first, second and third-degree criminal sexual conduct in one case, and first and second-degree criminal sexual conduct in another case. He was facing up to 15 years in prison.

On Tuesday, Drill-Mellum was sentenced to six years in prison and registered as a lifetime sex offender after pleading guilty to two of the five felony counts of sexual misconduct he had been charged with.

The two assaults, which occurred on Oct. 31, 2014 and Nov. 8, 2014, were described in detail by the victims to police.

The first victim, an 18-year-old female student, told police she met Drill-Mellum at a fraternity party on Halloween. Drill-Mellum led her into a laundry room at the party where they began to kiss, she said, and when she tried to stop him he didn’t listen.

According to Fox 9:

She tried to stop him while he pushed her against a wall then he tried to force her to perform oral sex. When she turned away and tried to get off her knees, he pushed her to the floor and said “I know you want this” and “You’re so turned on right now” and raped her. She told her roommate what happened the following morning and was treated at the University of Minnesota Medical Center. She did not report the rape to police at the time.

The young woman didn’t initially report her assault to the police. It wasn’t until a year later in 2015, that she found out that Drill-Mellum had raped another woman just a week after in the fall of 2014.

Due to this second assault, Drill-Mellum had been banned from campus by the University of Minnesota until 2019. The first woman who he assaulted spotted Drill-Mellum trespassing on campus and that’s when she called the police to report his trespassing and her assault.

The second victim, a 19-year-old female student, told police Drill-Mellum assaulted her in his own apartment:

[She] said she met “Dan” at the Freund Haus Apartments, where he asked if she’d leave the party and go to his apartment for more alcohol. Once inside, they kissed, he tried to take off her clothes, she told him no and said she wanted to go back to the party.

“When the Defendant persisted, the victim provided the Defendant with oral sex, hoping that it would only take a few minutes and then the Defendant would allow her to return to the party,” the complaint said. She told him she did not want to have intercourse but he ignored her and “told her she would like it,” and left her with abrasions and lacerations.

HENNEPIN COUNTY SHERIFFS OFFICE
22-year-old Drill-Mellum’s mugshot. 

Although the second victim had filed a police report in 2014, prosecutors initially declined to press charges. Once both women came forward with their stories, Drill-Mellum was charged with five felony counts of sexual misconduct.

Both survivors testified against Drill-Mellum in court, noting that there are other victims out there who have yet to come forward against him. The two women also read powerful impact statements in court to their attacker.

The first survivor’s impact statement, which was obtained by BuzzFeed, is absolutely gut-wrenching. The young woman described not being able to pay for a rape kit because she didn’t want to use her parents’ insurance, for fear they would find out what had happened. She detailed the horrible PTSD and panic attacks she endures every day because of the assault.

I’m reading a “victim impact letter” right now but Daniel Drill-Vellum did not “impact” my life; he completely uprooted and altered it.

“I’m reading a ‘victim impact letter’ right now but Daniel Drill-Vellum did not ‘impact’ my life; he completely uprooted and altered it,” she read in court.

The young woman reminded everyone in court ― including Drill-Mellum ― that she is “not just a victim of rape,” unlike Drill-Mellum who is and always will be just a rapist.

There are two of us brave enough to stand in front of him today and face him. Two of us, but there are so many more girls that he violated and assaulted… I will never be defined by him and what he did to me but he will forever be defined by me and the other girls he raped. That will stay with him forever. I am not just a victim of rape. My identity consists of so much more. But Daniel Drill-Mellum will only ever be a rapist. That is where the description of him stops. He put me through two of the hardest years of my life. This process is exhausting, but unlike him I can say that I came out the other end of this a stronger and better person. I am in control now, I write my own story and define my own life. I am capable, I am confident and I define myself.

Her impact statement is in full below.

The second impact statement is equally as devastating as the first.

In her letter to the court, which was obtained by Fox 9, the second survivor described being assaulted by Drill-Mellum and the horrific aftermath that ensued. She said that she was repeatedly victim-blamed by cops, endured an uncomfortable rape kit and still struggles with the PTSD from the night of the assault.

THE HUFFINGTON POST
The second survivor described the rape as “a life sentence” for her.

“I’ll always wish I had fought back stronger, I’ll always replay the whole situation and think about what I could’ve done to stop it, even though I’ve repeatedly been told by some very helpful people that it wasn’t my fault,” the young woman’s letter reads.

She described the rape as “a life sentence” for her. She went on to talk about the moment she realized she was in trouble:

I remember thinking “just close your eyes and you can get out of here soon.” I didn’t even realize I was crying until he asked me if I was; except it wasn’t in a caring tone. The tone was mocking, aggressive, and I defiantly said that I wasn’t and continued sobbing into the pillow. Despite my protests, he raped me anally as well. He told me that he was going to finish inside of me. He stuck his fingers inside of me and then shoved them down my throat, tearing what I think is called a frenulum. I felt like I couldn’t breathe as he forced one arm down on my back and shoved the other hand down my throat as I choked. I thought I was going to die. I kind of hoped I was going to die.

The survivor described coming home from the hospital and feeling like her “body didn’t belong” to her. The physical reminders of the assault are all over her, she said, adding that the Drill-Mellum’s attorneys’ character assassination of her throughout the trial have only magnified her PTSD.

I can’t brush my teeth without seeing the part of my mouth that he ripped apart when he shoved his fingers down my throat. I can’t look down at my chest without noticing an indent that wasn’t there before he repeatedly bit my breasts. I can’t look down at my stomach without remembering the panic I felt looking down at my naked body while I struggled to get away from him, before he raped me a second time. I can’t wear blue underwear because I remember what it looked like as I struggled to pull it on as I ran away from what he had just done to me.

Her full impact statement is below.

(Story continues below) 

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As with so many victim impact statements, the importance of these women’s words cannot be overstated. Their letters are powerful and serve as a voice to every survivor who was never able to come forward and get justice.

As Hennepin County attorney Mike Freeman said after the sentencing was announced: “It doesn’t matter where you come from, you don’t rape women period. And when you start doing some real time, on campus the word should spread.”

Let’s hope he’s right.

 

BJSquiggel

As respect for women decreases, violence against women grows. A rapist, whether male or female must be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Rape isn’t about sex. It is about power and control. If a rapist picks a drunk woman or drugs a woman he is responsible foe his violent act. She is not. Let us not re-victimize the victims. It doesn’t doesn’t matter what she wears or the way she walks. It doesn’t matter if she flirts with you. NO MEANS NO.

No One Asks to be Raped


Judge Dispels The Myth Of The ‘Perfect’ Rape Victim In Powerful Verdict

“No one asks to be raped.”

 

An illustration from the day in court that Judge Marvin Zuker announced Mustafa Ururyar’s guilty verdict. 

“For much of our history, the ‘good’ rape victim, the ‘credible’ rape victim has been a dead one.”

That’s just one of the many powerful statements Ontario Court Justice Marvin Zuker said in court last week while delivering his verdict in a Canadian university rape case. The judge announced that he found the defendant guilty of sexual assault and proceeded to point out the insidious effects of victim-blaming in his 179-page verdict.

“The myths of rape should be dispelled once and for all,” Judge Zuker read aloud in court last Thursday. “We cannot perpetuate the belief that niceness cannot coexist with violence, evil or deviance, and consequently the nice guy must not be guilty of the alleged offense.”

View image on Twitter

Ururyar found guilty of sexually assaulting York U student Mandi Gray. ” Rape it was” @CityNews

The case, which began in February, involved Mustafa Ururyar and Mandi Gray, two doctoral students at Toronto’s York University. According to The Guardian, the two had been casually dating when Gray went to Ururyar’s apartment one night in January 2015.

As the two made their way back to Ururyar’s apartment, Gray said he became angry and started calling her “a slut” and “needy.” Gray testified that Ururyar forced her to perform oral sex on him and then raped her later that night.

Ururyar had pleaded not guilty to sexual assault, claiming that he and Gray had engaged in consensual sex on the night in question. According to Judge Zuker’s verdict, Ururyar’s defense repeatedly attacked Gray’s character and attempted to discredit her story throughout the trial.

Judge Zuker was not accepting Ururyar’s “twisted logic,” as he said in his verdict. The judge denounced Ururyar’s defense, calling it all a “fabrication” that is “credible, never,” adding, “I must and do reject his evidence.”

Judge Marvin Zuker

The judge described how traumatizing the defense’s character assassination must have been for Gray and condemned a culture that is so quick to victim-blame:

The court was constantly reminded, told, as if to traumatize the helplessness, the only one we can believe is Mr. Ururyar, because she, she Ms. Gray, cannot remember. What a job and a real bad one, trying to shape the evening. We must not create a culture that suggest we learn that rape is wrong through trial and error.

How can you prove it? You don’t remember. He knows you don’t remember. He is going to write the script and he did. Testimony incomplete, memory loss, etc. etc. And, of course, typically, no dialogue in the story. One full sentence by Ms. Gray? What is it? No power, no voice, defenceless. To listen to Mr. Ururyar paint Ms. Gray as the seductive party animal is nothing short of incomprehensible. He went or tried to go to any length to discredit Ms. Gray, if not invalidate her. Such twisted logic.

… There is no demographic profile that typifies a rapist. There is a danger of stereotyping rapists. When the accused is a friend of the victim and uses that relationship to gain, and then betray the complainant’s trust; there may be a need to be informed in order to recognize and understand the accused’s predatory behaviour. No other crime is looked upon with the degree of blameworthiness, suspicion, and doubt as a rape victim. Victim blaming is unfortunately common and is one of the most significant barriers to justice and offender accountability.

…The responsibility and blame lie with the perpetrator who takes advantage of a vulnerable victim or violates the victim’s trust to commit the crime of sexual assault. Rape is an act of violence and aggression in which the perpetrator uses sex as a weapon to gain power and control over the victim. It is too common to redefine rape as sex and try to capitalize on the mistaken believe that rape is an act of passion that is primarily sexually motivated, It is important to draw the legal and common sense distinction between rape and sex… There is no situation in which an individual cannot control his/her sexual urges.

Towards the end of his statement, Judge Zuker clarified  what consent really means and why a survivor’s actions before the assault should never be used to excuse rape.

“Without consent, ‘no’ means ‘no,’ no matter what the situation or circumstances,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if the victim was drinking, out at night alone, sexually exploited, on a date with the perpetrator, or how the victim was dressed. No one asks to be raped.”

In his verdict, the judge actually underlined that last sentence (on page 172 in the embedded statement below).

The same day Judge Zuker read his verdict, Gray released a public statement in response to Zuker’s powerful words. “I am tired of people talking to me like I won some sort of rape lottery because the legal system did what it is supposed to do,” Gray wrote.

In a conversation with reporters after the hearing, Gray called the verdict a “huge victory,” but added that Zuker’s statements can’t undo the trauma she’s endured.

“I think it’s massive, these statements,” Gray said. “But, I mean, these statements don’t un-rape me, first of all, and nor does it erase the process that I’ve had to go through.”

bjwordpressdivider

 

I decided to publish another blog today because this Canadian judge has the courage and the strength to what three American judges have not done. He has not punished the victim for her own rape. He has stated for the record that No means No. Our judges slapped the hands of the convicted rapist and let them off without jail time.

 

American men, there is no reason for you to violate a woman. No does mean no. Rape has to do with power and control and not really sex. What kind of man can’t control himself? Once again, we see here in America that there is no respect for women, no consideration for their feelings…It is a War on Women.

 

Congratulations to our Northern neighbors. Hats off to the judge who is man enough to follow the law and do what is right.

 

Namaste

Barbara

Consent


 

When a man and a woman of any age go out, she is consenting to dinner and perhaps a movie. When they meet in a bar, if they decide to go home together they maybe thinking of having sex, perhaps. At any moment either of them has the right to change their minds. This is called consent. Even if they are lying together upon a bed, one of them has the right to say, NO! You can’t ignore a NO. You can’t force the other person out of No, because doing so is a crime. All you can do is to get up and put your clothes on and leave.

 

Remember, if the other person says No!, you must heed this NO! If you try to force the issue, you are a jerk (male/female) and you will probably end up in jail. There is no glory or satisfaction in that. The other person owns their body and has the right to give permission to enjoy it or to say you can’t use their body. They don’t have to explain, they merely need to say NO! For Example:

 

 

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No means NO, always

No means NO, always

Senate Fails to Vote


Senate Fails to Vote on Military Sexual Assault Bill

by CARMEN RIOS on Nov 22, 2013  1:00 PM1 Comment

After hours of debate, the Senate failed to vote yesterday on the Military Justice Improvement Act (MJIA). Introduced by Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), MJIA would move the decision of whether to prosecute sexual assault cases out of the chain-of-command and give it to independent, objective, trained military prosecutors.

Six in ten Americans support letting independent prosecutors decide whether to prosecute sexual assault cases in the U.S. militaryaccording to a recent ABC News/Washington Post poll. Support is equally divided between men and women, and majorities of Republicans and Democrats also support taking sexual assault cases outside the chain of command. The Feminist Majority urged the Senate to take up MJIA last week.

MJIA would amend the National Defense Appropriations Act (NDAA), but Senate Republicans – using the filibuster – blocked MJIA from coming to a vote on the floor yesterday. There was also no vote on NDAA. The Senate then headed into a two-week recess.

Media Resources: ABC News 11/19/13

This post was originally published on the Feminist Newswire. If you’d like, you can subscribe to the Feminist News digest for a weekly recap of our newswire stories.

Rape statistics

Rape statistics

Rape is not a sexual act. It is an act of power and control. I am sixty three, there are eight nine year old women being raped. There is no lust there. It is the ability to have power over a woman and do anything you want to her. Why the military? Well, I believe that some of the males are insecure having women doing military duty with them. That insecurity can lead to rape. To gain their power back.

The rape victim is not at fault.

The rape victim is not at fault.

There is nothing a woman can do that makes rape acceptable. There are a lot of excuses that men give as to why they had to have sex with a victim but none of them are her fault.

Her lipstick isn’t too red, her dress is not too short, even if she is drunk it is a crime to rape her. She can’t be raped because you see her as a tease or flirt, if you start to make out and she changes her mind and says no. That’s it. Funtime over. No means No. It does not give you the right to force yourself upon her. If she changes her mind about wanting to have sex with you, that is her right. And the reverse is true.

If a young lady flirts with you it is not an invitation to rape her. You could have consensual sex but flirting is an activity all humans do. Most times for most people, it never goes beyond that. A French kiss does not give you the right to rape her. She just may love to kiss. Kissing frequently does not end up in bed. So it is a crime to rape and there are no rationalizations that make it legal. Go home and take a cold shower or go for a nice long run.

Rape statistics are on the rise and I believe the reason is that men are disrespecting women in ever greater numbers. Women must be safe in their homes, walking home from a movie or getting out of the car at the grocery store.

Just to be specific, marital rape is rape. It is still the power and control needs some men have. A wife has the right to say no too. You don’t own her. You married her because you loved her and rape has nothing to do with love. It is a violent violation of her body. And it is a crime. So, No always means No. If you can’t accept a no then it time for a new relationship or a divorce. Beating her so she can’t say no is also a crime. As women we are equal human beings and not here as your chattel.

women are human beings

Marital rape and abuse

Marital rape and abuse

Tags: Kristen Gillibrandmilitary sexual assaultMJIAnewsrapesexual assaultViolence Against Women