October 24, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

As the Days go on

The weekend is here and it has been a beautiful day and I am so grateful for it. The river is running and kayakers and canoers are moving quite quickly along the river. I am making chicken noodle soup and I hope it will be ready before the party we are going to.

Every morning when I open my blinds, I am overcome with joy and a sense of how lucky I am to have moved here. Tomorrow we are going to Bat Cave, NC and to the Light Center which is a healing center. It is in Black Mountain. It will be good fun.

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River running fast today. Photograph and copyright by Barbara Mattio 2015

Paddling upriver. Photograph and copyright by Barbara Mattio 2015

Photograph and copyright by Barbara Mattio 2015

October 23, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Don’t Live with Violence

If you are living with violence, you must protect yourself and your children and get out. We all go into a relationship feeling love and having dreams. Your wedding day was just what you had wanted it to be. You had a beautiful honeymoon and you were so happy and so in love. It was a perfect wedding night.

Now, you are dressing for dinner. The two of you had had such a lovely afternoon and a delicious dinner. People toasted you in the dining room and when the band began to place you danced in your husband’s arms. A nice man asked to dance with you, but your husband said no. He was pretty quiet for the rest of the evening.

He decided you were going to go up to your room. You didn’t really want to leave but tomorrow was sightseeing. He says nothing on the way to your room. You are thinking about the nightgown you are going to wear to bed. He walks into the room behind you; then shuts and locks the door. You turn around with a smile on your face and he opens up his hand and hits you so hard that when you look in the mirror, you see the red hand print.

You are stunned. What happened? He is yelling and calling you names and telling you are a slut because that man asked to dance with you. You face aches. He grabs your arm and twists it while telling you that you will never dance with anyone else. He is shaking you so hard that your teeth chatter. You are trying to get away and are terribly afraid. What is going on?

He walks out, slamming the hotel door. You stand there with tears running down your face. Why did he get so upset? What should I do? You clean up and carefully get ready for bed. Carefully, because your face is very sore and your arm hurts. You cry yourself to sleep.

In the morning, you wake and his side of the bed is empty. You are shocked and very confused. Then the door to the hotel room opens and he walks in. He looks awful. You can tell he has been crying. He has brought you a huge bouquet of red roses. He is sorry. He never meant to handle you in a violent way. He loves you and it will never happen again, he swears. He kisses you and cuddles you and you make up. Your world becomes whole again. He is so wonderful to you, considerant and thoughtful.

Life goes on. Everything is fine. And one day, a girlfriend calls and asks you if you want to go shopping. You said, “Sure.”

You quickly get ready to meet her at the Mall. You leave a note on the kitchen table in case you will be late coming home.

You and your friend shop, have lunch and a couple of glasses of wine. It had been such a fun day. You are now a little bit later than you expected, but you left a note. No problem. You walk into the house and call out, “I’m home.” Your husband walks into the living room where you are hanging up your coat and begin to show him your purchases. His voice drips with sarcasm. “Where have you been?” You mentioned the note you had left. He says you hadn’t had his permission to go shopping. What? What is he talking about?”

He grabs you and punches you in the face. You hear a crack and then another punch. You go down to the floor and he begins to kick you. He kicks you where bruises will be covered with clothing. You are screaming at him to stop and he is screaming at you. He accuses you of meeting a man and cheating on him. He picks up your purchases and throws them everywhere. You can’t stop crying. He holds up the nightgown you bought to wear for him and he rips it apart. He screams you had worn it for your lover.

He took you to the hospital and refused to leave you side. You had taken such an awful tumble down the stairs. The staff allows him to stay. There isn’t much they can do for you. They bind your torso, give you pain meds, suggest you carpet the staircase which your husband agrees is very important. You go home with your discharge papers and he gently helps you out of the car when you reach home.

He is again sorry. Terribly sorry. It will not happen again. Please don’t leave him. He can’t live life without you. He will kill himself if you leave. You are in agony, the pain pills are making you fuzzy and soon you just fall asleep.

You used to discuss this type of incident with your Mom and your sister. You met a woman who is being battered but what she suffers is so different from what happens to you. As the months and years go by, your lady friend went to a Domestic Violence shelter. You never see her anymore. The shelter moved her to a new state so she could start again with a new identity. Your mom develops Cancer and he gets edgy when you go to see her. The day your Mom dies, you feel totally lost and there really isn’t anyone to talk to. You don’t realize that he has gradually isolated you from all of your friends and your sister. He calls them trouble makers. He is the one who really loves you. The only one who loves you.

Now, you just do what he says. Nothing matters anymore. Then one day you think about the battered woman you had been friends with. You wonder if the Domestic Violence Shelter is still in town somewhere. You get ready and call a taxi. You tell the driver what you need and he delivers you at the Shelter.

You talk with a counselor, have a bite of lunch. They explain what they can do for you, including legal representation. You decide to go home and pack a suitcase. You have to get away from him. So you go home. The shelter gave you a list of things to bring. You are moving as quickly as possible and try not to forget anything like your medicine. You hear a small noise behind you and you turn. Your husband is standing there screaming that you cannot and will not leave him. He pulls a revolver out of his jacket and shoots you dead. The neighbors hear the screaming and the gun shot and call 911. You are dead on arrival at the ER.

More women are killed trying to get out of a battering relationship than at any other time. Abusers have a motto. I call it a motto because it every one that I ever worked with would tell the woman, ” If I can’t have you, no one will.” I can tell you from my experience that they mean it.

Does this mean you should stay? No. Never. But the leaving must be planned in advance and in secret. No one can know where you are going. There is an underground railway to move women who are in the greatest danger. Some abusers are just much worse than others. Though none of them are good. Usually a well executed plan can take a month or more to put into place. Don’t go back. He will kill you in time or you will kill him trying to protect yourself. There are so many women and men working to help abused women. You are never alone. Domestic Violence is a crime. The court system will punish him for what he did to you.

If you are a man being abused I must give you the same advice. Abusers don’t stop abusing. Male or female. They will simply move on to another partner and begin the battering again. People care about you. So try to get out. Try to get to a safe place, a shelter or even a hotel. Talk to counselors and the police. No matter what, it is never all right to hit another person. You deserve better. You deserve to not live in fear and violence.

Zentangle Copyright Barbara Mattio 2014

October 22, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

They’re at it Again (a guest blog)

Hi, everyone. It’s the Sister. I asked our dear Rebel if I could hijack her blog (again) because, well, I’m confused. And frustrated. And more than a little…let’s just call it “annoyed”.

Congress has, once again, hauled Hillary Clinton back in front of yet another Benghazi committee.

Once again, the Republicans attack her and the Democrats defend her.

Is anything new learned? No.

Is any new ground covered? No.

Are millions of tax payer dollars wasted? Yes.

But here’s what confuses me:

If the goal of this ~~witch hunt~~ investigation is to get at the truth, and if Congress is really concerned about finding out what killed Americans:

Why is there never an investigation into mass shootings? Into the fact that, somewhere in the United States, every single week so far this year, a toddler has shot and injured or killed himself or others?

Where is the concern about those lives?

Okay, some will say it’s because there was terrorism in Benghazi, and those in our government who ‘let’ it happen have to be held accountable.

Fine. Where were the exhaustive investigations into the intelligence community that ‘failed’ to prevent the attack on the Twin Towers on 9/11/2001? I don’t recall anyone being pulled publicly in front of Congress over and over and over and over ad nauseum to figure out who was responsible for that; nor was there any consequence to any of the people in the government who went after the wrong parties after 9-11, attacking Iraq when not a single person involved in the attack had any ties to Iraq whatsoever. (Don’t even mention WMDs. Don’t. Even.)

Okay, then, some will say. It’s about keeping our embassies safe!

Where was the outcry when 57 American diplomats were held hostage for 444 days. No one pulled Jimmy Carter or his Secretary State in front of Congress over and over and over ad nauseum, even though Iran made it clear they had only done it BECAUSE of Carter, waiting until he was officially out of office before releasing the hostages.

Was Benghazi a tragedy? Yes.

Were mistakes made? Probably; mistakes are everywhere if you look for them.

Is there anything be gain from going over Benghazi again and again and again?

Yes.

Just one thing: the demonization of a woman who is trying to be — horror of horrors — the first female President of the United States.

That’s what this about. Congress — the Republicans, who keep dragging this mess up again, pulling it out of the ground and re-animating it like some bad zombie movie — doesn’t care about the safety of the embassies. If it did, it wouldn’t have voted to cut funding for Embassy Security in 2012.

The Republican Ben-zombie masters only care about derailing Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

Is this the kind of partisan politics we need — want — in our Capitol?

Oh, and one more thing — these are my opinions, unedited by the Rebel. Please don’t take anything I say out on her.

Thanks for listening.

October 21, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Working Together for Peace

Israelis and Palestinians Join Forces to March for Peace Together

by John Vibes, October 20,2015 on thefreethoughtproject.com.

In recent months, news of violence between Israelis and Palestinians has become more frequent than ever. However, last week hundreds of Israelis, Palestinians, and other nationalities joined together to march for peace in Jerusalem and Washington.

The protests were associated with a three-day BDS solidarity wave with other demonstrations that were held at Israeli embassies in cities across Europe and South America.

Jews and Palestinians 1

The protests in Washington were primarily directed at the massive military aid packages that Israel receives from the US.

Nejwa Ali, a Palestinian-American from Buffalo, New York told reporters, “I’ve been to Palestine before and witnessed occupation, intentional discrimination and murder of Palestinians by the Israeli military, the U.S. Government supports Israel with $3 billion a year and the Americans need to know.”

Although there is still an unfortunate amount of racism in the Middle East, most of the hate is generally fueled and stirred up by the politicians who benefit from and thrive on it, and this hateful sentiment is not shared by the vast majority of the general population.

While the politicians and military leaders continue to promote hate and violence, there are more and more situations popping up that are showing the path towards a more peaceful future. Many groups and individuals are stepping up, risking their public reputations and their lives to speak out for what they believe is right. What is even better is that average people are working to apply their own skills and talents towards bringing the Palestinians and Israelis together.

For years, peace activists in Palestine have been teaming up with other peace activists in Israel as well as the United States and Iran to spread a message of love and unity among people of all geographical locations…..regardless of what all the crazy politicians say.

Jews and Palestinians 2

Some of the most popular of these efforts is the Palestine loves Israel and Israel loves Palestine campaigns, which started out as a viral Facebook phenomena where Palestinians and Israelis would send messages of love to one another and reassure each other that the hateful rhetoric put forward by governments and media outlets are totally out of line with the true feelings of the average person.

Also, just last year an Israeli metal band called Orphaned Land joined forces with the Palestinian band Khalas for an 18 gig tour that visited 6 different countries. The purpose of the tour was to promote peace and unity between the Palestinian and Israeli people. The bands even lived together and shared a tour bus throughout the duration of their travels.

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As most of you know I am 100% for peace. WWII was the only righteous war. I am always advocating for peace and my heart is full tonight with thoughts for peace.We need peace in our own hearts and peace in our families. We need to stop all abuse in our families. We need peace in America and Congress needs to actually do what they were elected for. We need peace in the world.

Peace in palestine and Israel would be a defining moment in the history of our world. I encourage you to follow what is happening in the Middle East. We must all put a halt on revenge, hatred, and judgment.

I can no more understand the suspicion of those who are different now than when I was a child. One of the great strengths of humankind is that we are different. People of different nationalities make a beautiful picture. We don’t need to all worship alike, or look alike. We don’t need to speak alike.We are all children of the Universe and as such we do have a responsibility to make peace as often as we can. We need to get out of our own heads and find the similarities between us and use them to understand one another better, to love one another better. We need to know that we may be writers, photographers, musicians, painters and mimes but we can speak through our work. We need to show how much that love, gentleness, compassion, kindness and concern can change our lives and the lives of those around.

Whether, you have a spiritual path or are an atheist, we take care of each other, we must care about the lives and trials of the other people in the world. When the hatred of some humans, explodes one day, we will lose many material things and people that we love and care about. It will be too late then. I do not have the personality to run a country, and yet I know that our Congress is not performing their job descriptions and are therefore, letting American citizens down.

Many good men and women laid down their lives during the Revolutionary War to give us freedom. The Constitution needs to be respected and honored as well as the memories of those who fought and designed our Bill of Rights and our Constitution.

Some times, while watching the news, and they are interviewing Congress, I wonder what George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Paul Revere, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams among others would think about what is happening and often not happening in Congress. The Founding Fathers had their own differences but they worked through them and designed a country that is the greatest democracy ever. So work for peace, work for good communications, accept what is different and cherish this planet that we were given. As I have said before, there is no Planet B.

Namaste

Barbara

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Mountain stream
Photograph and copyright by Barbara Mattio 2015

October 20, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Gender Stereotypes

Another TED Talk — this one is about Gender Stereotypes in Corporations all over the world.

When will men treat us as equals? Why are women so threatening?

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October 19, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

The Gender Wage Gap Continues

October-07-15

Study Finds US Gender Wage Gap Persists

Data compiled by the US Census Bureau this week once again demonstrates a gender wage gap, showing that American women who work full-time, year-round jobs on average earn 79 cents for every dollar paid to men. This loss in wages amounts to an average of $10,762 annually for white women, and is significantly greater for women of color.

The data, analyzed by the National Partnership for Women and Families, reveals women with full-time, year-round employment receive far less than their male counterparts, earning roughly $39,621 yearly compared to men whose wages exceed $50,000. The pay disparity is even greater for women of color. Overall, African American women earn just 60 cents on the dollar and Latinas a mere 55 cents.

The need to close the gender wage gap could not be more critical. Not only do women comprise nearly half of the paid work force in the US, but they also head more than 15.2 million households, 4,658,047 of which fall below the poverty line. With the additional $10,762 annually in found wages, women breadwinners would earn enough money for approximately 83 more weeks of food, over a year’s worth of rent and an extra 4,635 gallons of gas.

That gap is even starker for women of color. Full-time working African American women earn an average 60 cents for every dollar paid to a white man, and Latinas earn a startling 55 cents. These gaps amount to losses of tens of thousands of dollars for women each year.

“This study confirms that a punishing wage gap persists for women in every corner of the country and the costs for women, their families and our national and state economies are significant,” said Debra L. Ness, president of the National Partnership for Women and Families. “America’s women and families- and our nation- cannot afford to wait any longer for the fair and family friendly measures that would help.”

Media Resources: Media Resources: US Census Bureau 9/16/15; National Partnership Data; National Partnership Press Release 9/16/15; Feminist Newswire 9/1/15

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October 18, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Nights in White Satin

This song always reminds me of Sundays; I’m not sure why. It’s composition and lyrics are simply divine, a beautiful example of Orchestral Rock. This is my Sunday gift to you, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Namaste,

Barbara

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October 17, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Great Smokey Mountains

Had friends visiting from Indiana, and here as some pictures I took, from a moving car, as we drove to Waynesville, NC.

These are the Great Smokey Mountains.

Leaves in Motion (from a speeding car)
Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

Changing Leaves from the Road Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

Autumnal Beauty Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

Changing Leaves on Hillside Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

Great Smokey Mountains across the horizon
Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

Great Smokey Mountains – A Literal Interpretation
Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

Turning of the Leaves Photograph & Copyright Barbara Mattio 2015

October 15, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Domestic Violence Must End

You Can Help End Domestic Violence

According to the US Department of Housing and Urban Development domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. If a couple has a violent argument in the home, it is usually the woman and children who flee. They flee with little but what is on their backs. This is another reason why Domestic Violence Shelters are so important. They can place the women and children into temporary housing. Most can then also help them to find housing for her and the children. In my long experience I have never known a man to leave unless he is the victim.
Survivors of domestic violence face higher rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks (PTSD) and other mental disturbances. Many are too ashamed of being beaten to go to a doctor or mental health worker and ask for help.

Stop Family Violence

Domestic Violence contributes to poor health in survivors. Chronic conditions such as heart disease, gastrointestinal disorders can become more serious due to repeated battering. Fear and anger build up in the victim and the stress can lead to other health issues.

Among women brought to an Emergency Room after being beaten, were socially isolated, and had fewer social and financial resources than women who were not abused. Part of the emotional abuse is social isolation. The victim is cut off from friends, family, therapists, neighbors because the abuser needs to have total control over the victim. Abusers don’t want women to hear there is a place to go and get help. i often would put the hotline number on a piece of paper and pass it to the victim without being seen. Each city has a hotline number and you can help save a life by getting the number and gently putting it into a woman’s hand.

Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse when they are teens and young adults. Without help, boys who witness domestic violence, are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults. This continues the cycle of violence into later generations.

There is Never a Reason to Hit Another Human Being

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October 14, 2015 by IdealisticRebel

Guns and Domestic Violence

Originally posted at Ms.Blog, msmagazine.com

The impact of gun violence on victims and survivors of domestic violence cannot be overstated. The statistics are chilling: Approximately 2 out of every 3 domestic violence homicides are committed with firearms; the presence of a firearm in a domestic violence situation increases the likelihood of homicide by at least 500 percent. At least 44 percent of mass shootings are domestic violence-related, and 61 percent of all femicides committed by men wielding guns in 2013 were related to domestic violence .

These statistics are only the most publicized, easily quantifiable manifestations of the intersection between domestic violence and firearms. Guns are used to terrorize far more often than they are used to kill. A survey by the National Domestic Violence Hotline found 16 percent of respondents’ abusers owned firearms. Of respondents whose abusers owned guns, 67 percent percent believed their abusers were capable of killing them.

These statistics are staggering, yet they are more than numbers—they are people. My colleague, Rob Valente at the Hotline, quotes two survey respondents. One respondent disclosed that her husband owns over 100 guns. She never knows where the guns are, or how many guns he is carrying at any given time. Another respondent tells of repeatedly waking up at night to the sound of her abuser releasing the safety on the gun he is holding to her head.

Recognizing the role of firearms in domestic violence, Congress passed the Lautenberg Amendment prohibiting people convicted of misdemeanor domestic violence or people subject to permanent domestic violence protective orders from owning firearms. In enacting this prohibition, Congress took into account two important factors that differentiate domestic violence from other forms of violence: 1) Domestic violence misdemeanors are frequently pled down from felony charges and involve felony-level violence; and 2) Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors rather than a single incident, so there is a high likelihood an abuser will reoffend.

Although the Lautenberg Amendment saved countless lives, it is no longer adequate; society has changed and the law must be updated to reflect these changes. Under existing law, the definition of domestic violence only includes abuse perpetrated by a current or former spouse, cohabitant or biological co-parent. Dating abuse does not trigger the firearm prohibition, despite the fact that current or former dating partners commit approximately half of all domestic violence homicides. Likewise, people convicted of misdemeanor stalking are not prohibited from owning firearms, although stalking is a key indicator of lethality; a 10-city study found that 76 percent of women killed by intimate partners were stalked before being murdered, and 85 percent of women who survive murder attempts were stalked.

Democratic Sen. Amy Klobuchar’s Protecting Domestic Violence and Stalking Victims Act of 2015and its companion bill from Reps. Debbie Dingell (D-Minn.) and Robert Dold (D-Ill.), Zero Tolerance for Domestic Abusers Act, expand the existing domestic violence prohibitor to include dating abuse and stalking. These narrowly focused domestic violence bills could save countless lives without infringing on the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding Americans. We at the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, our colleagues at other organizations, advocates across the country, victims and survivors call on Congress to demonstrate their commitment to ending domestic violence by passing these two bills. The time for talk is over—it is time to take a stand!

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If a man or a woman stays in a violent home, their life will continually rotate around the cycle of violence. Help is available. Look at this cycle and see if it is familiar to you.