October 24, 2016 by IdealisticRebel

The Evil That Men Do

This is October and it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For those who do not know, I have 26 years of experience working in Domestic Violence. I have worked in Pennsylvania, Ohio, and now in North Carolina. Domestic Violence is everywhere here in America. It is also found across the globe. It stems from cultures being based on patriarchal patterns. In a patriarchy, the males must have the power and control. In Domestic Violence, power and control is what the abuser is really after.

I ask you to look around you at your life and at the lives of the men and women in your life. Any of them could be being abused. Abuse can start while dating in high school, in college, on the wedding night, when you announce you are pregnant. It can begin because the abuser’s boss denied him a promotion, he did not make his sales goals. He cannot control himself/herself and you carry the bruises and fractures from this lack of control.

In 2003, the cost of DV in terms of medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity at work total up to $48.3 billion. Add to this the lives destroyed, the children who grow up with battering as their role model and will continue the stereotypes and battering spirals out of control.

Some people think that DV only effects the poor or marginalized in society. They are very wrong. Because we keep confidential records on batterers, we know that batterers can be middle class, they can be your state senator, your minister, the kid who bagged up your groceries, or you sat next to in church or mosque. While shopping, you may share the mirror with a battered woman in the ladies room, you may sit next to one at the theatre. Statistics show that 30-50% of homes have battering in them. That is a lot of people living in fear and violence.

After the first time you are abused, the abuser will tell you it is your own fault. You should have done what you were told to do. You made the attack happen. No, you didn’t. Don’t listen to the lies coming out of that mouth. No one has the right to hit another human being. You are not owned, you can’t be told what to do or what to say. You are not crazy as many victims have been told. You are being abused if you are being pushed, slapped, pinched, punched, having your hair pulled, being stepped on, deprived of sleep, called filthy names, kept locked in the house, not allowed access to finances, raped (even if you are married), having food thrown at you, or bones broken.

Going to church, temple or mosque will not stop abuse. Nor will it heal your abuser. God does not want you to stay in a Domestic Violent situation. Not in the Middle Ages, not today, not ever. God does not want you to live in fear and violence.

Where to go? Ask a police officer or taxi driver where your community’s DV shelter is located. They will know and probably take you there. Once you go to shelter you will be safe with a roof over your head and your children’s if you have them. You will have a bed and food. There will be counselors who will listen to your story, listen to you as you decide what you are going to do next. You may want to get your own apartment, go back to school, move out of town or get a restraining order from the court. The shelter will provide you with counselors to help you achieve the goals you have set for yourself.

The battered women’s shelter movement started in the 1970’s and I helped to start one of the country’s first shelters. It was a grassroots by-product of the Women’s Movement that I am very proud to have been part of. Mostly, I am proud to have been able to help women and children out of a living hell and into a life where they could grow and thrive.

Domestic Violence is not going away. The statistics are increasing each year in each American community and in cities and villages around the world. Batters often start by hitting where bruising will be covered by clothing. The victim will often be kept in isolation away from friends and family. The abuser has more control this way and outsiders have less influence.

In today’s world full of social media, teens are often battered physically and emotionally with texts and on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, or Twitter. This can be extremely frightening to a teen so it is important to keep communication open with them so they will not be afraid to talk to you. In 2008, the Centers for Disease Control published statistics that showed that 2 million injuries have resulted from intimate partner violence every year.

You don’t have to be a statistic. Get help, get out.

Namaste

Barbara

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Family battering

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WE MUST STOP THE VIOLENCE. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED OR TO HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR.

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June 25, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

One of my Sheroes…Adrienne Rich

Adrienne Rich

Adrienne Rich is a prolific writer. She has written prose, poems, and feminist thoughts. One of my favorites is Twenty-one love poems. One of her feminist pieces is Of Woman Born. It was originally printed in 1977 but remains relative to the lives of women now, in 2013. When she began to write on this subject she had become aware of the new politicization of women. We were in the middle in of the second Feminist Movement. One subject not addressed was women as mothers.

The devaluation of women spurred her on to write and examine women’s lives; even mothers. The Women’s Movement has had detractors but we really did want to work to raise the value of women; whether she was an at-home mom or she was in the work force. As the movement began, many women stayed home and when given the opportunity to go out into the work world, chose it instead. Some women did both. The media put much pressure on women to be “super women.” This was not the intention of the movement. We simply wanted women to have a choice and the right to make the choices that were the best for her. Therefore, this book is an exercise in examining motherhood for all women and also for Adrienne. Maternity deserved to be examined. It is an American institution.

There were attempts to show the patriarchy the value of women in the work place and well as in the home. Equal pay for equal work came into the light and also the value of the work women did in the home was also spotlighted. Every woman has a job description and a monetary value was given to each job task she performed. When all was said and done, most at home wives and mothers couldn’t be afforded by their husbands except for the very well-to-do.

Rich brought into the light the fact that women are as intrinsically human as any man. The ability to control her reproductive health is vital for women to be equal. This is why it goads so many non-feminist citizens. Most work on this planet is done by women. In all countries, women have the children, feed them, raise and clothe them. They work in factories and sweatshops, clean the house and make coffee in the office. Procreative choice is as important as a legally limited work day.

All human life on the planet is born of women. Being born is the one unifying, incontrovertible experience that men and women share. Young human beings spend more years needing the nurturing of a mother than other mammals. Some sociologists believe that part of the discrimination against women is the discomfort many men feel knowing they were dependent on a woman for nine months. Rich raised three sons and was married. So I recommend that you look into Rich’s work and see what you think about what the Feminist author has to say.

Sketch of Adrienne Rich

New Worlds

August 3, 2012 by IdealisticRebel

The Women’s Bible

Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 1815-1902, was not only one of the women who worked to obtain the vote for women in the United States. She and Susan B. Anthony made a pair of women who were not going to quit until we had the vote. Elizabeth and Susan also put out a women’s movement weekly paper and there was the Women’s Bible Project. Susan was single and Elizabeth was married with eleven children.

Elizabeth felt that the Bible was not inclusive in its voice. She felt that the Bible excluded women. A committee was formed of ministers, Greek and Hebrew scholars, who devoted themselves to the project. There was a group of thirty women who worked on the revisions. The various books of the Testaments were divided and they reviewed all the passages which concerned women.

These passages were cut out and pasted in another blank book, and the new commentaries were written beneath. This was a huge undertaking in comparison to what it would be today, as it all had to be done by hand.

The inauguration of the women’s movement to emancipate the Bible began in August, 1895. The suffragets felt that the Bible had been used to hold black people and women in the “divinely ordained sphere”. The canon and civil law; church and state; all denominations and political parties have taught that woman was made after man and was made an inferior being.

Charles Kingsley said, this will never be a good world for woman until the last remnant of the canon law is swept from the face of the earth.” Little did he know that the dogmas and teachings of all fundamental religions work to hold women in place as second class citizens. Even now in August, 2012.

The Bible was used as permission from God to back the buying and selling of slaves and the ownership of women by the men in their lives. Women’s challenges to their status were referred back to this same Bible. The church determined that slavery and the right to vote only belonging to men was allegedly backed up by scripture. The mothers of the Suffrage movement saw the terrible misuse of these scriptures.

Women in America and England began this work with a large committee. They fought an uphill battle against the criticisms of their society. They proudly pushed ahead knowing that women’s political and social degradation were the results of women’s status in the Bible.

The only parts of the Bible that were edited were the ones concerning women. The Women’s Bible is still in print and available on Kindle also. It is a very enlightening reading experience.