Everyone who is in a healthy relationship knows it will have its ups and downs. But not all relationships are healthy. How do you know whether or not your intimate partner is a potential batterer? Let’s look at some truths. Was your partner ever abused as a child? These children can grow up to be abusers or victims because they watched it while they were growing up.
Was their father violent? Violence breeds batters. The batterer will grow up thinking that abuse is a norm in a relationship.
Have they ever show violence against other people?
Did they physically abuse you or an ex in a past relationship? Physical abuse during dating is a guarantee of abuse in the relationship. There is overwhelming evidence that after one beating there will be more to follow. As time passes, the beatings will become more severe and more frequent. The abuser may begin to also beat the children. In truth, you can’t change them, so don’t marry them or continue in the relationship.
Does the batterer play with guns or use them to protect themselves?
Does the abuser lose his temper frequently and more easily than seems normal? An inability to handle frustration is a warning buzzer indicating future physical violence. If relatively small frustrations set them off, such as someone pulling ahead of them in traffic, the abuser probably will not be able to handle many of the frustration of a normal marriage or relationship. The abuser will lose their temper and scream or blow their top. Abusers are people who cannot handle frustration and they will turn to violence as a solution to what they perceive as problems. If someone punches walls, breaks objects including ones with great sentimental value to you, or throw items in a rage, they will likely turn on their intimate partner one day.
Does the batterer commit acts of violence against objects and things rather than people?
Are they cruel to animals including the family pets? If pets often die or run away, this is a warning to you. Anyone who savegely beats a pet or kills one is a potential abuser.
Does your intimate partner drink or use drugs to excess?
Does the partner demonstrate an unusual amount of jealousy when you are not with them? Is your partner jealous of family and friends who are in your life?
Are you required to spend all of your time with them or do they require to be notified of every place you go during the course of your day? It may feel flattering at first and you will be told it is because your partner just loves you so much and misses you intensely, but it is signal and a way to control.
If your partner gives you advice, do they become outraged if you make your own decision?
Does your partner seem to have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality? Is you partner charming and gracious and the fun person at the party when you are out and a screaming yelling monster at home? Is your partner someone you just can’t please? You never do the laundry right or cook what they like to eat, or you are a bad cook or housekeeper, you don’t make enough money or look good enough. An inability to be pleased, and tendency to always blame someone else for unhappiness indicates that they are a potential abuser.
Is there a sense of overkill in his beatings and in his kindness? Are their actions — good or bad — bigger than life?
Do you feel fear when your partner becomes angry with you or someone else? Do you adjust your behavior to calm them down or to prevent them from becoming upset?
Do they cling to rigid stereotypes of what men and women should look like or act like? Do they demean you if you fall short of the standards?
Do they have a poor self-image? Beatings often occur when they feel that their stereotypical role is being undermined.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you may be in an abusive relationship. It will not improve and you and any children should get out. No matter where you live, here in America or in another country, find out what options you have. Make a go bag. Pack clothes, money, passport, medical information, medications for you and children, don’t hesitate to flee. Your life may depend on it. Find out what support you can receive from the legal system and use it. Show your children that no one ever has a right to hit, slap, kick, or punch you or them. Many places have domestic violence shelters that will house you, give you options, talk with the children, give you ideas about a job or an apartment. The volunteers and staff in these shelters are often victims themselves.. Even if they are not themselves survivors, these people are trained to know how to help ou save yourself and your children. They will help you through the entire process.
DV used to be called the “silent scream”
Speak up now for your life and your children’s lives..
Freedom from fear and violence