October 9, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Domestic Violence Must End

You Can Help End Domestic Violence

According to the US Department of Housing and Urban Development domestic viollence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. If a couple has a violent arguement in the home, it is usually the woman and children who flee. They flee with little but what is on their backs. This is another reason why Domestic Violence Shelters are so important. They can place the women and children into temporary housing. Most can then also help them to find housing for her and the children. In my long experience I have never known a man to leave unless he is the victim.

End Violence in the Home

Survivors of domestic violence face higher rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks (PTSD) and other mental disturbances. Many are too ashamed of being beaten to go to a doctor or mental health workder and ask for help.

You Can’t Beat a Woman.

Domestic Violence contributes to poor health in survivors. Chronic conditions such as heart disease, gastrointestinal disorders can become more serious due to repeated battering. Fear and anger build up in the victim and the stress can lead to other health issues.

Among women brought to an Emergency Room after being beaten, were socially isolated, and had fewer social and financial resources than women who were not abused. Part of the emotional abuse is social isolation. The victim is cut off from friends, family, therapists, neighbors because the abuser needs to have total control over the victim. Abusers don’t want women to hear there is a place to go and get help. i often would put the hotline number on a piece of paper and pass it to the victim without being seen. Each city has a hotline number and you can help save a life by getting the number and gently putting it into a woman’s hand.

Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse when they are teens and young adults. Without help, boys who witness domestic violence, are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults. This continues the cycle of violence into later generations.

October 4, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Domestic Violence is a Crime

Purple ribbons signify that we do not accept Domestic Violence

Pregnant women get beaten often.

You can’t tell by looking if that guy who is so sweet and kind to you is also an abuser. He could begin battering you on you wedding night, Everything could be wonderful until you get pregnant.The loving man you married could begin battering your pregnant belly. Where is that wonderful guy you married? Everything could be all right until he doesn’t get his first promotion.

Violence in the home is a crime. That never changed.

Is it your fault? No. How can I be sure? Abusers will always blame their behavior on anyone but themselves. You will find that he is never pleased with what you do. Dinner isn’t on the table when he comes home. Or the children are too noisy when he comes home. Or you stopped at the store on the way home from work. A man was looking at you at a party. Your family wants to come and visit you for the Holidays. One of the children needs to go to football practice and needs his father to give him a ride. You ran out of milk and need to go out. He always looks at events as your failure to meet his standards.

So what is the difference between a guy being upset with you and living with the batterer? If your significant other, boyfriend, spouse or teen-age son punches, hit, pushes, or slaps, you he is abusing you. If he shoves you face into dinner, or punches a hole in a wall, he is a batterer. You Can’t Change Him!

There is no specific time you can expect abuse to start.

Physical abuse most often is accompanied by emotional abuse. If you are being called a pig, stupid, a whore, a bitch, lazy, a lousy cook, fat slob, you are in an abusive relationship. The truth is that it isn’t your fault. And you have millions of sisters who are hearing the same words and are feeling the same fists. After the first incident, he will often cry, swear it will never happen again. He will also tell you he loves you more than life. This is the honeymoon aspect of the cycle of violence. It won’t last. Even if you call the police and he spends the night in jail, he will abuse you again. Unless you leave and get to a shelter or someplace else that is safe, you will be expected, when he comes home, to sleep with the enemy. To lie down in bed next to the man who spit on you, pulled your hair, called you a whore in front of your children and then punched you over and over. Lie down with the man that you love and who sent you to the Emergency Room. Female victims are the only victims of a violent crime who often must sleep with the person who hurt her.

The cycle of violence

If you are in a violent relationship, begin to squirrel money away, and medications for you and the children. Hide a fully packed suitcase so that if you and the children need to flee in the night you can quietly get out. Any taxi driver or bus driver can take you to a shelter. The only thing the shelter will ask of you is not to reveal its address. Abusers coming to the door is not good. I can remember a night an abuser showed up to teach us a lesson. He had a gun. I called the police and they hauled him away. Every woman and child in the shelter must be kept safe.

Advocates across the nation work together to keep women and children safe. Over the years, Domestic Violence advocates have gathered to light candles and mourn those who lost their lives to an abuser. We also celebrate those who are alive and no longer living in fear with the person who hurts them. In October 1987, we observed the very first Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Disarm Domestic Violence

Ending violence in the home requires national vigilance and dedication from every sector of our country. Everyone in America must stand with advocates, the first responders, victim service providers and our criminal justice system to protect those who Live with the Enemy. Women and children need the basics of food, shelter, warm clothes. They need counseling, financial assistance so she doesn’t have to return to the man who beat her face to a bloody pulp. She needs help to find a place to live without fear.

I commend every woman who has worked in Domestic Violence. I began in the 70’s and saving lives was my motivation. Shelter workers are some of the bravest people I have ever known. If you have some time, call your communities hotline and volunteer or volunteer at a shelter.

You can help. We can do it together.

April 26, 2013 by IdealisticRebel

Women’s Rights in the Home

Don’t let DV into your house

Domestic Violence and the War on Women is continuing. There are some Federal laws which protect women and some are state laws. Evidence, sentencing, police involvement can differ from state to state. In Pennsylvania, for instance there are firm laws to protect the victim. However, in Norristown, Pa. victims are penalized for calling the police for help.

Yes, I said for asking for protection, they are breaking the law.

The cycle of violence

6% of victims are men

There are three strikes in Norristown, Pa. If you are abused and call for help three times. No matter how serious your abuse is. The police will send your landlord or mortgage holder a letter asking them to throw you out due to the Three Strikes Rule. Nope, you didn’t misunderstand. I call it, let’s jump on the victim whether female or male. Let us increase the suffering. The city ordinance specifically includes “domestic disturbances” as behavior that gets victims thrown out of their homes.

A woman recently feared losing her home so much that even when her abuser attacked her with a brick, she was too afraid to make a call to the police. He later stabbed her neck and she was still to frightened of being homeless to call. He would get the house. After a housing court refused to order an eviction, the ACLU stepped in to protect the victim. The city backed off. The city of Norristown does encourage the battering of its citizens with this type of laws.

Norristown is not the only city in the country have passed “nuisance ordinances” or crime. Milwaukee’s Domestic Nuisance Ordance showed violence was the third most common reason that police citation. This is far above drug crimes, property damage, or trespassing. Women of color in our country suffer the most from these bizzare citations.

My suggestion is to go to your local police department and ask what the laws are where you live. If there are these type of laws, get involved. Women working together can accomplish anything they put their minds to. So remember: YOU CAN’T BEAT A WOMAN.